White guy: Baby, do you know how much I love you? (rubs the most sensitive part of her eye)
Asian woman: (long pause)
White guy: Did you hear me?
Asian woman: Okay… You know what? I love affection, but I am not getting any younger and you're making my crow's foot worse!
–F Train
Overheard by: BJ
A group of retards are being watched by two caretakers.
Hetard: You’re stupid.
Shetard: Shut up. You have halitosis of the eye. Every time you blink, you stink!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Josh Rav
Man #1: Your kid actually wants to go to the doctor?
Man #2: Yeah, he can’t stop thinkin’ about ’em.
Man #1: Thinking about what?
Man #2: Boobs! He can’t stop thinking about boobs!
–12th & Broadway
Ghetto girl #1: Damn, yo! What the fuck is up wit your left eye? It’s dumb red!
Ghetto girl #2: Nah, it ain’t even like that. There was a shootout.
Ghetto girl #1: You got shot in the eye? How the fuck…?
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, he was trying to come on my mouth and missed and shot some into my eye.
Ghetto girl #1: Damn! Who the fuck he think you was? Jenna Jameson or something? Keep on doing that kinky shit, now look at your dumb fucked-up ass.
–Simpson Street station
Overheard by: schizo diva
Woman #1: So, your vagina’s open, right?
Woman #2: …yeah.
Woman #1: And there’s a smell.
Woman #2: Um.
Woman #1: And it’s a very personal smell!
–Broadway & Waverly
20-something grunge girl #1: So I plan on getting really trashed tonight, do you think I can crash there tonight?
20-something grunge girl #2: I wouldn't recommend it. Last time I crashed there I ended up with scabies.
–L Train
Overheard by: Anthony's Gal
Woman #1: My throat hurts. I guess I need another beer.
Woman #2: Mine too. Good idea.
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.
–Katz Deli
Overheard by: M. McOrmick
Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!
–Chrystie & Housten
Overheard by: Probably True…
Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Would the street be safer?
Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.
–Duane Reade
Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Katface
Middle-aged woman exiting subway: Man, these are a lotta steps.
Young white woman: Yeah, living in New York is like living on a Stairmaster.
Middle-aged black woman: Amen, sister.
–Broadway & Fulton
