Guy #1: Aw…
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: That Terri Schiavo, the one with the feeding tube. She died.
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s too bad…I wonder what would happen if you were to blow air through the feeding tube. Do you think she would fart?
–The Westminster lobby, 20th & 7th
Baggage handler #1: The flight from Bombay is delayed.
Baggage handler #2: I'll have the Lysol ready to spray them down.
–JFK International Arrivals Terminal 3
Drunk dude: Do you guys have any change?
Sober dude: No.
Drunk guy: I just want to get a 40. I had one but it accidentally broke on my head. Which sucks real bad! I just need to get a 40 so I can sleep.
–Clinton & Stanton
Overheard by: chite
Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day!
–5th Ave
Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency!
–Borders, Penn Station
Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace
20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin.
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Topical
Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus!
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Alie
Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out.
–34th & Broadway
Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have?
–Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Siobhan
Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!
–1st Ave & E Houston
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
(in Spanish)
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, I couldn't pee all day. I just peed before we left the office, that's it.
Hispanic woman #2: You gotta go to the doctor for that, you know. Could be bad.
Hispanic woman #3: I peed so much today… I just couldn't stop! It just went on and on for so long. I peed so much I felt something break, you know?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl!
–39th & 8th
Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: I hated braces
30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys.
–Queens
Overheard by: Angela
Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist!
–M60 Bus
Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high!
–111th & Lenox Ave
Hipster guy: Suck my balls.
Preppy girl: But…you have scabies.
–Grand Central
Young mom, picking daughter’s nose: I see something in there!
Little girl turns head an picks own nose: I’ll get it!
Young mom, going in again: Don’t pick your nose!
–A train
Overheard by: amused
Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: debo
Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”
–2 train
Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.
–Union Square
