Happy guy looks at two happy girls: Aah, look how happy they are! That is how it’s supposed to be around here.
Unhappy guy looks at two happy girls: They look too happy, considering they’ve probably contracted multiple STD’s just this week.
Happy guy: So you’re not happy today?
–Union Square
Little girl: Have you ever seen an emergency on the train?
Dad: No, sweetie.
Little girl: Have you ever seen an emergency at home?
Dad: Oh, yeah, I have. Remember when Uncle George cut off his ear?
–N train to Manhattan
Overheard by: ADC
Guy on slippery sidewalk: Man, I can’t wait! I can’t wait to see somebody bust their ass, yo.
–86th & Broadway
Conductor: To the passenger in the first car transporting a ladder, please make sure you have control of your ladder, and please don’t knock anybody in the noggin. To all other passengers riding in the first car, please be prepared to duck.
–6 train
Guy on cell: I sliced my thumb with a box cutter, but they told me the only guy who could get workman’s comp for that injury is Roger Ebert.
–4 train
Blonde teen: So, like, what does someone do if they break their leg or something on Christmas? Because the hospital’s closed on Christmas…
–8th & Broadway
Blonde, tapping shoulder of kid on crutches crossing street: Tag, you’re it!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Kyle
50-something yuppie guy to another: My wife just doesn't understand that men go through menopause too. It's not just a woman's problem. These past few months I can tell that I've begun my menopause.
Teenage girl sitting across from two yuppies: I'm pretty sure they call what you're going through “erectile dysfunction.”
–F Train
Overheard by: Sophia
Visitor lady #1: What was the name of your vibrator? Was it Pedro or Paco?
Visitor lady #2: No, it was my first one: Sergei.
Visitor lady #1: What? Why did I say Pedro? Where did that come from?
Patient guy: …My first goat‘s name was Pedro.
–Mount Sinai Rehabilitation Center, Gustave Levy Place
Overheard by: Lindroid
Woman looking at BlackBerry: I'm ovulating.
(friend nods)
Woman looking at BlackBerry: So I just need to have sex today.
(later, with little boy)
Woman: Hey, honey!
–Central Park Petting Zoo
Puerto Rican thug #1: Man, you gotta wash yo’ hands before you touch yo’ dick, man. You don’t know what’s on ’em. Don King said that.
Puerto Rican thug #2: True that. Yo… Don King said that?
Puerto Rican thug #1: Yeah, with the hair.
–Restroom, Sony Wonder Lab, Madison Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Guy #1: Aw…
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: That Terri Schiavo, the one with the feeding tube. She died.
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s too bad…I wonder what would happen if you were to blow air through the feeding tube. Do you think she would fart?
–The Westminster lobby, 20th & 7th
Baggage handler #1: The flight from Bombay is delayed.
Baggage handler #2: I'll have the Lysol ready to spray them down.
–JFK International Arrivals Terminal 3
Drunk dude: Do you guys have any change?
Sober dude: No.
Drunk guy: I just want to get a 40. I had one but it accidentally broke on my head. Which sucks real bad! I just need to get a 40 so I can sleep.
–Clinton & Stanton
Overheard by: chite
