Idiots

If You’re So Smart, Explain the Wax

Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you settle something? Is Portugal in Europe or South America?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Europe.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Portuguese they speak in South America — that’s not the same language as they speak in South America, right?
Smart guy: Actually, it is. Brazil was settled by the Portuguese, and the Spanish got the rest of South America, which is why they speak Spanish in the other countries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his geography class!

–Exodus Gym, Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg

Cigarettes & Alcohol Fuel Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Yeah, they totally weren’t always addictive. Like, they started putting drugs into cigarettes to make them addictive. Nicotine wasn’t even addictive a long time ago, it’s only recently they have made it that way by putting stuff into it.

–1 train

Overheard by: Nathan B

All That Means Is That It’s after He Went Adult Contemporary

Hipster #1 listening to Arabic music: Is this Sting?
Hipster #2: They aren’t even speaking English!

–Le Rendez-Vous Cafe

Overheard by: Pete

It Creates a Virtual Reality Which Gradually Fades Over Time

Technophile: Is that, like, a virtual reality machine?!
Empiricist: Um, I think it’s a tanning booth.

–Portfino Sun and Beauty Spa, 37th & 3rd

Where They Make Us Take a Refresher Course on Ethnic Stereotypes Biannually

Muscular mook with sweet tribal tattoo, driving Toyota Tundra, yelling on cell: Someone stole my fucking knapsack! It had my fucking Merrill's. My Sperry's. If I see someone wearing Sperry's, I will fucking crush them.
Tajikistani cab driver: That is the bad kind of Italian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

Tell You What. You Can Do It Inside If You Seal Yourself in a Plastic Bag

Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome?

–Convent of the Sacred Heart

Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl

To Make Her Crazy Enough to Fit In

Chick #1: I didn’t get into any of the colleges on the east coast I applied to. I’m so bummed.
Chick #2: But you got into Miami — that’s pretty cool.
Chick #1: But that’s not on the east coast. I’m going to have to get a passport and some crazy shots to go there.

–W 10th & Bleecker

There’s a George W. Bush Metaphor in Here Somewhere

Guy: When I walk, I drift right. That’s why I kept bumping into you like that.

–6th Ave & 18th St.

“I can’t talk about this anymore. My brain is shot.”

Guy: Well, William can be Bill, Robert can be Bob, and John can be Jack.
Girl: John can be Jack?
Guy: Yeah, you know, like sometimes John Kennedy was called Jack Kennedy.
Girl: Then why did they call him Robert?

–Diner, 22nd & 3rd

It’s Oh So Quiet in Hanoi?

Guy #1: Yeah, Iceland has a small Southeast Asian population. Mostly Vietnamese.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I’m not sure.
Guy #2: Maybe Vietnam was an Icelandic colony.
Guy #1: I really doubt it, idiot.

–52nd & 6th

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist