Woman to toddler: You gotta be nice to Jenny.
Toddler: No!
Woman: No, you gotta be nice to Jenny, even though she's a fat-ass. Jenny is a fat-ass. Haha, fat-ass Jenny!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman to toddler: You gotta be nice to Jenny.
Toddler: No!
Woman: No, you gotta be nice to Jenny, even though she's a fat-ass. Jenny is a fat-ass. Haha, fat-ass Jenny!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)
–Q Train
Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic
Young daughter: Mom, is this salmon raw?
Mom: Yes, honey, most sushi is made of raw fish.
Young daughter: Can I eat my goldfish raw?
–Shiro restaurant, Glendale, Queens
Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Large drunk tattooed man: So wha’s your story? You in school?
Kid next to him: Yes …
Large drunk tattooed man: Never went to school. Know why? Cuz I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: There you go again, sweetie. [apologetically] He means manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: No, I do not, bitch! I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: Honey, the doctor told you you’re manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: I’m schizophrenic, bitch! I see shit! I hear shit talk to me! I get pills! I don’t take ’em, but I get ’em! I! Am! Schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: I am so tired of this argument …
–G Train
Overheard by: I really WOULDN’T argue such a point
Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
Mom to little daughter: You don't need to say that part. Just say “excuse me.”
Little daughter: Excuse me… I farted!
–67th St & Columbus Ave
Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too.
–NYU computer lab
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done.
–Fordham University RamVan
Overheard by: wishmewell
Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress.
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel
Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall.
–23rd St & Lex
Overheard by: Not a Texan
Tourist bimbo: What mall is this?
–Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Little kid: You show me yours and I’ll show you mine.
Mom: No, honey, that’s not how it works.
Little kid: But I’ll show you mine…
Mom: They’re called privates for a reason — you’re not supposed to show people.
–Restroom, Central Park
Overheard by: LSB
