Kids

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.

–Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah

Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

A young girl selling M&Ms on the A train: “Hey, I’m not here for no basketball team or anything, but if ya’ll want to give me some money, that’s cool.”

Note: she got quite a few sales, as well as a guy’s number

Teen to hobo tossing empty bottle on the ground: Hey, don't leave that here! Kids play around here!
Hobo: I hate kids.
Random passerby: You can't beat that logic!

–Central Park

Small, nervous boy: Mom, what’s necrophilia?
Harried mother: Jesus Christ! I told you not to hang around Uncle Gary unless there’s another adult with you!
Small, nervous boy: I didn’t! My daddy was there, too!
Harried mother: Oh my god. We’re moving back to the Island.

–12th St & Ave B

Little boy: Daddy, is Michael Jackson still alive?
Father: Um…sort of.

–42nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sabs

Young child: Mommy, how do black people have sex?
Mom: Ask your father.

–9th & 8th, Park Slope

Guy: Then I looked down at her and said, ‘Your bleached teeth are burning my dick!’

–Caliente Cab Co., Waverly & Green

Suit to female companion: You’ll stick your tongue up my ass, but you won’t share my toothbrush because of germs?!

–Renaissance Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: Big Larry

Girl on cell: … So then he asked me to leave my toothbrush at his place, and I said no. And then he never called me again! I’m glad I didn’t leave my toothbush there.

–1 train

Overheard by: joe d.

Guy on cell: … So I lost my job, and he brushed my teeth for six months.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Young girl to mother pushing stroller: Oh, right, like I’ve never brushed her hair. Like I’ve never fed her or brushed her teeth. What the hell have you done for her?

–63rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jillian

Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.

–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave

A mother and daughter catching snowflakes on their tongues.

Mother: I caught one, did you catch one?
Daughter: Yes!
Mother: Mine was too small, it tasted tiny.
Daughter: I got one!
Mother: What does it taste like?
Daughter: Power!

–2nd Avenue & 9th Street

Overheard by: Alexander Romanovich

Five-year-old kid: What's that?
Mom: That's baseball. Like on a Wii but in real life.

–Central Park & E 96th St