Dad: Where did Daddy sleep when he was home?
Kids: On the bed.
Dad: No. I slept on the couch, and it was not comfortable.
–Pizzeria, 43rd & 10th
Dad: Where did Daddy sleep when he was home?
Kids: On the bed.
Dad: No. I slept on the couch, and it was not comfortable.
–Pizzeria, 43rd & 10th
Little girl, sadly: But she got the new Barbie…
Mom: Yeah, but hers is super janky… Yours is the good one, it was all customized for you. You don't want hers.
Little girl: Oh.
–N Train
Overheard by: Brittany M
Six-year-old boy: Mom, did you know that Elvis Presley died of a drug overdose?
Mom: Well, that won't ever happen to you.
Six-year-old boy, angrily: How do you know?
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Jon Good
Mom to daughter, taking out ripped jeans: Rosemary, the people in Ireland will be thinking, “what is she doing wearing ripped jeans?”
Daughter: Mom, I'm sure that people in Ireland wear ripped jeans.
Mom: Yeah, poor people.
–Laundry Room, W 116th St
Little girl: Mommy! I want to open a cat park!
Mother: You mean a dog park?
Little girl: Mooooommmmmmmmm! No! A cat park!
–Ave A & St. Mark's Place
Boy, reading a pamphlet: Umm… Penny-less… Pen-iss.
Girl: It says penis.
Boy: Well, whatever.
Girl: How are you not going to be able to spell something that you have?
Boy: Well, it’s gay to know how to spell penis.
–Marble Hill, the Bronx
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Six-year-old girl: Cunt.
–Grand Central
Little boy: Myrtle kissed me. She is so sweet of me.
Mom: She's “sweet of you”? You're three years old. How do you know those words? Well, no one should kiss you except family members.
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Overheard by: Alexandra
Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.
–Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah
Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg
A young girl selling M&Ms on the A train: “Hey, I’m not here for no basketball team or anything, but if ya’ll want to give me some money, that’s cool.”
Note: she got quite a few sales, as well as a guy’s number
