Yuppie father: You will learn Italian.
Four-year-old daughter, yelling: Noooo! I wanna have fun!
Yuppie mother with French accent: But you had fun learning French! You will have fun learning Italian.
Four-year-old daughter: Nooooooooo!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: Welcome to another day on the N train, ladies and gentlemen. If you will look out the window to your right you will see absolutely nothing!
–N train
Conductor on speaker: Kings Highway?! Why’s it gotta be Kings Highway?
–B train, Kings Highway station
Overheard by: I feel his pain
Lady conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. If you need to get to 28th Street, 23rd Street, or 18th Street, well, you’re screwed.
–1 train, 34th St
Overheard by: Nettle
Conductor: There’s another train right behind us. There really is. I can see the lights. It could be a bus, but we are in a tunnel underground with tracks running through it, so I’m sure there is another F train behind us.
–F train
Overheard by: I can see the light too
Conductor: Please take small children as you exit the train… Oh… I mean, please take small children by the hand as you leave the train.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Cheerful conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no downtown 2 train, but luckily we’re going uptown, so it doesn’t matter.
–2 train
Overheard by: andy kleiman
Conductor: We’re not the NYPD or the FDNY, New York’s finest and bravest. Above or below ground, we’re the MTA, and we move New York. Ya heard?!
–A train, between 125th & 59th St
Upper East Side mom #1: So then I go twice a week over to the JCC, and after I get back I take them.
Upper East Side mom #2, looking disgusted: You mean the JCC on the West Side?
Upper East Side mom #1: Yes.
Upper East Side mom #2: Oh my god! You are a dedicated mother.
–Dalton Physical Education Center, 87th & 3rd
Overheard by: West Sider
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Mother on stoop: You need to get inside this house, now.
Fat 11-year old boy: Ten more minutes!
Mother: No, now.
Fat 11-year old boy (yelling): Ten! More! Minutes!
Mother: Don't make me call the cops!
–23rd & 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Claire H.
Conductor (in stern voice): For the last time, people, when the lights are blinking, that does not mean continue walking on the platform! The train will leave without you!
Suit: She must have children.
–Metro North, Grand Central
Overheard by: Fresca
Eight-year-old boy, carrying real but child-size golf clubs: I have two lawyers, don’t I daddy?
Father: Yes.
Eight-year-old friend: I have three.
–18th & Broadway
Four-year-old girl to boy: Goodbye, Alex!
Four-year-old boy to girl: Goodbye, taxi driver!
–83rd & Columbus
Overheard by: EthanK
Very young misbehaving child: But mommy! I really want it!
Annoyed mother: If you don't behave, I'm going to delete all the music off your iPod!
–H&M 35th & 7th
Overheard by: Marissa Pelly
