Smug fashionista: My god, that’s a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Confused companion: Oh, did she kill fashion again?
Smug fashionista: Not only did she kill fashion again, but she raped it after killing it! She’s like… like… the necrophiliac of haute couture or something…. Wait. What the fuck am I talking about?!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: Minnie Sukthankar-Romanovich
Tourist: What kind of berry is a triberry?
Barista: What?
Tourist: You’re selling a triberry muffin. Well, what’s a triberry? I’ve never heard of that before.
Barista: It has blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry in it. They call it triberry because it has three kinds of berries in it.
Tourist: So there aren’t any triberries in it?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Then why do you call it a triberry muffin? That’s false advertising.
Barista: As I explained, it’s called that because it has three berries in it.
Tourist: But none of those berries are triberries?
Barista: No. There is no such thing as a triberry.
Tourist: I don’t understand.
Barista: Look, do you want the muffin or not?
Tourist: I don’t think so. I don’t want to eat anything unless I know what it is first.
Barista: So what can I get you?
Tourist: Do you have a donut?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Never mind. [leaves]Barista: Dumbass.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Waplow
Woman #1: He slept with Mary?
Woman #2: And to think that I was this close to falling in love with him.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Old queen #1: I always thought that Dick Cavett was such a little asshole.
Old queen #2: I always found him to be downright delightful!
–Edison Diner, 47th St
Overheard by: I like Dick
Trader #1: Is she ok with that price?
Trader #2: Yeah, we have a great relationship. She’ll take it in the end.
–777 3rd Ave
Chick: I had such a hard time when I lived here. People were always calling me a slut. Always, always, always, always.
Guy standing next to her: Yeah?
–Outside the W Hotel, 17th & Park
Overheard by: Will
Chick: What the hell you doin’ goin’ around hittin’ on other women?
Boyfriend: It ain’t like that! It ain’t like that!
Chick: What’s the matter witchoo?! [Slaps him.]Boyfriend: I just want to know if I still got it!
–Meatpacking District
Child: Look, Mommy, that lady looks like Daddy’s computer.
Mother: Which one?
Child: The one he has in his office.
–Seaman & Cumming
Engaged girl: Oh my god, who did what with it?
Married girl: I squeezed it until it was blue.
–6th Ave & Carmine
Overheard by: Rachel
Girl: I can’t believe you did that! Why would you erase one of my songs from my computer?
Boy: Because I hate Jack Johnson! Anyway, you’ve erased some of my art on the computer.
Girl: Do you mean those pictures you took of yourself scowling with no shirt on?
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: Lark
