Tux: You know my ex-boyfriend, right? Come on, you remember him. His sister was in jail with Amy Fisher?
–Therapy, 52nd & 9th
Tux: Stop singing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you.
–Tonys after-party for Jersey Boys, Hard Rock Cafe
Suit on headset: You know, I have been so gassy lately.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
Suit on cell: Hey, I found this guy I thought I’d fix you up with, but I talked to Elliot and he said he wouldn’t cross the street to piss on him, he’s an ethical scumbag… Yeah, I know that’s what everybody says about Elliott.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ken
White dude: I’m blacker than the fucking poops you shit, son!
–Ditmas Ave
Latina: Shit, where’d all these white people come from?
–Ludlow St
Overheard by: Caroline McGraw
Girl #1: Ben’s hot, but I think he’s gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don’t think he’s gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
–Central Park
Quasi-thug #1: So if I got the first season, you would watch it with me?
Quasi-thug #2: Fuck yeah. It’s the fucking Golden Girls, yo.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl: I did, I saw Uma Thurman in Les Mis.
Guy: She wasn’t in Les Mis.
Girl: Not on stage, on TV.
Guy: She wasn’t in Les Mis on TV.
Girl: I thought it was her, or someone else with that cross-eyed look.
–42nd & 8th
Guy #1: My ass is killing me.
Guy #2: Really? Mine feels alright.
Guy #1: Well, you weren’t doing what I was doing all day. It feels like someone ripped my ass off and stapled it back on.
–Paragon Sporting Goods, 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: ericaS
Girl #1: I don’t like German Shepherds, they scare me.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl #2: Because they bark loud?
Girl #1: Yeah, that is scary, but the real reason is the Nazis used them in the Holocaust, so I don’t like them.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Big girl: Oh my goddd! Your doggy is soo adorable — I just want to eat him!
Dog owner: Umm — Thanks, I guess. [To her friend] Is that the most endearing thing she could come up with?
–37th & 7th
Overheard by: Russ
Tourist chick #1, whispering: Oh, gross. You ask.
Tourist chick #2, whispering: No, you ask.
Tourist chick #1: Excuse me, what kind of pizza is that?
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: i just wanted to eat my birthday lunch
