Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.
–53rd & 7th
Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.
–53rd & 7th
Suit: I’m going to have challah bread french toast for dinner tonight. My good-for-nothing wife can’t make me dinner — she’s nine months pregnant. She’s home all day, still in pajamas at 2:30 in the afternoon. Why don’t you try putting on some pants, that will get you motivated.
–uptown 2 train leaving Wall Street
Overheard by: Megan W
Hot mom: That’s because older people get yellow teeth. Daddy is eleven years older than Mommy. And Mommy has very white teeth.
Little girl: Why are they yellow then?
Hot mom: Where?
Little girl: At the top.
–1 train
Overheard by: super-c
Queer #1: So the whole time you were married you weren’t going out with men?
Queer #2: Nope.
–Bleecker & 6th
Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.
–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St
Overheard by: Grace
Guy: Don’t let guys buy your drinks.
Group of girls: Why not?
Guy: Because they’ll put something in your drink. That shit happened to my ex-wife and next thing I know i’m paying child support every other Tuesday!
–N train, Astoria
Overheard by: nick judge
Girl #1: Should I have my baby shower before or after my wedding?
Girl #2: You’d better have it before. You’re going to be really drunk after your wedding.
Girl #1: Yeah, good point. Well, one of them is going to be in July, I know that for sure.
–The Dollar Store
Overheard by: Kim Forbes
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy?
–15th & Washington Sq. W
Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
Girl #1: I can’t believe you hang out with that guy…All of your friends are such losers!
Girl #2: Well, I hang out with you, don’t I?
Girl #1: I think that proves my point more than it does yours.
–77th & Columbus
Chick #1: Well most of your friends are losers anyway. Who cares what they do?
Chick #2: No, one of them’s engaged.
–F train
Overheard by: Kira
Guy: You want to have lunch with me next week?
Girl: Sure, but not on Monday. I’m getting married.
Guy: You are? Really?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: To who? Is it Norman?
Girl: No, it’s whoever my dad chose.
–68th Street station
Overheard by: Babs Monroe
