Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.
–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: eliza
Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.
–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: eliza
Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.
–1 Train
(mom yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines)
Mom: Eric, let’s go now!
Eric: But Mom, I want one!
Mom: For Christ’s sake! Just take one and let’s go.
(Eric takes Gay Life)
Mom: Your father is going to kill you.
–80th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Schatz
Young girl: Mom, I don’t want to go to ballet!
Mother: Sweetie, you have to. I paid four hundred dollars for one lesson. If you think you’re gonna back out of this now…
Young girl: But mom, the teacher touches me!
Mother: Well, damn it, he can touch you as much as he wants for the four fucking hundred dollars I spend every week!
–60th St & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kristen
Little boy: Is it garbage or is it presents? Is it garbage or is it presents?
Mom: If you aren’t quiet, whatever is in the bags now will be garbage.
Little boy: [Silence.]Mom: Uh huh… That’s called logic.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Mother pleading with squirmy four-year-old son in tight jacket: Just keep it on for the time being.
Son: I hate the time being.
–Christmas Mass, St Patrick’s
Daughter: Huh? I thought the Bronx was on the mainland.
Mother: You may be right.
Daughter: How do you not know?! You lived there!
Mother: Things have change since then.
–LIRR
Lesbian daughter: Wow, I have such burnt-out memory cells. Not to be confused with my sickle cell.
Sister, laughing: It’s all mom’s fault! All mom’s fault.
Lesbian to mom, screaming and laughing: Why didn’t you eat my placenta?! You should’ve eaten my placenta! You needed to eat my placenta!
Mom, calm as can be: I’m not African. And besides, you have enough people eating your placenta.
–Parking Lot, NYU College
Overheard by: Lesbian’s Wifey
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
