Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.
–77th & Madison
Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.
–77th & Madison
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
(silence)
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
(pause)
Mother: I mean, I’ve read about the holocaust, but I don’t know any specific authors.
–Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: David
Mother: Okay, give it back to me.
Four-year-old boy holding MetroCard: I want to hold it.
Mother, taking the MetroCard: You can’t hold it. It is very expensive, and mommy will have to pay a lot of money to replace it if you lose it.
Four-year-old boy, looking around at crowd on bus: Stop embarrassing me. Why are you always embarrassing me?
–N38 Bus
Overzealous new mother to oblivious young infant: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none.
Infant: Wahhhhh!!!!
Mother: No, no, no! It’s ok! That little piggy didn’t want roast beef! He was offered it but he turned it down. Maybe that little piggy is vegan! Yeah! Maybe he’s vegan! Don’t cry!
–NJ Transit
Little boy: In the old days, before they had shopping bags, what did they use? Did they use paper bags?
Weary mom: Yes.
Little boy: Really? Brown paper bags?
Mom: Yes.
Little boy: That’s so cool!
–31st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Brigid
Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can’t sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.
–Union Square
Mother, scolding six-year-old girl: No more kissing until… you’re 27!
Little girl: But…
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno!
–34th & 3rd
Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"?
–22nd & 2nd
Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk.
–Grand Central Food Court
Overheard by: Reilly
Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt?
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Withnail
Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame)
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Passerby
Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi.
–7 Train
Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.
–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: eliza
Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.
–1 Train
