Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on September 11, 2021
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Education, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jews, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Subway conductors, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Wait a Minute — Where’s Your Giant Clock?

Homeless man with fake gold teeth: Can you lovely people please spare some change, a sandwich, or some water?
Woman: Oh my god… It’s Flavor Flav!
Homeless man: If that’s going to help me get a sandwich, then yeah, I am Flaaavor Flaaav.

–Downtown 2 train

Overheard by: Monica Lake

Posted on September 10, 2021
About Celebrities, Food, Hobos, Money & Class, On the Subway

Preferably Someplace with Cameras

Girl #1: I will not touch your chest on a crowded subway.
Girl #2: Some other place, then.

–4 Train

Posted on September 10, 2021
Girls, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Public Transportation, Rack

Isn’t That a Go-Go-Gadget Dildo Hat?

Guy #1: Hey, that girl’s pretty cute.
Guy #2: Yeah, except the hat is kind of Inspector Gadget.
Guy #1: Yeah, or Peter Sellers. She’s got kind of a Peter Sellers look going on.
Guy #2: “I love the way you look like Peter Sellers… but hot.”

–6 Train

Posted on September 6, 2021
About Celebrities, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, TV

And You Already Get Mocked by Saleswomen When You Try to Shop

Girl: So I decided that from now on, I'm not kissing anyone on one night stands.
Queer (gasping): That's so Pretty Woman!

–A Train

Posted on September 5, 2021
Default, Girls, Movies, On the Subway, One Night Stand, Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on August 28, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Boys, Brooklyn, Computer, Death, Friends, Grand Central, Happiness, Judaism, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Alexandra

Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brooklyn

20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.]

–LIRR

Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention.

–A Train

Overheard by: Why MoMa?