One-liners

Guy: We’ve got to tell Allison, because she had Paulreubens.com until he made her stop.

–8th Ave. & 6th St.

Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?”

–Times Square

Guy: Has anyone ever accidentally dated you and your sister at the same time?

–Diner, 22nd and 9th

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Chubby Chick: Dude, I missed your set because I was hungry!

–Opaline, Ave. A

Sleazeball: I don’t want to break up; I want to sleep with someone else.

–Penang, UWS

Overheard by: Phyllis Overstreet

Girl getting out of the car: I wish I had a talent other than parallel parking…

–Park Slope

An old man, bent over and hobbling with his cane, says apropos of nothing: I’ve got to make a list.

–7th Ave.

Overheard by: Andrea Vaughn

Garbageman: They all wanna fucking be like us.

–LES

Overheard by: Justin Sheckler

Suit: We’re really quite busy, actually. The lack of work hasn’t really affected the amount of work.

–9th Ave.

Overheard by: Brad Wilson

Chick: Yeah, deers aren’t that bad. You’re in trouble if you hit a cow, though. And even worse would be a moose, because if you don’t kill it it’s gonna kill you!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Danger!!!!

Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Didi Hylobates