My Partially Retarded Father

Boy: Hey Dad, you wanna hear what I learned today? “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”, and every word tells you the name of a planet! Wanna try it? OK, I’ll say the word, and you tell me which planet it means. Ready? My…
Father: Mars.
Boy: Right. Very…
Father: Venus.
Boy: Uh huh. Educated…
Father: Uh…Earth?
Boy: Yep. Mother…
Father: The Moon.
Boy: Yep.

–7 train

Overheard by: Mikey

Boy on cell: We took the bus to 9th Avenue and I saw a guy lying there with only one shoe on. My dad said that’s what happens when you don’t go to school.

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Posted on June 24, 2015
Dads, Education, Hobos, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Wait a Minute– Like Boys How?

Eight-year-old girl to older brother: I don't like booooooys!
10-year-old brother: I don't like boys, either!
Kids' ghetto mom to son: Boy, you betta like boys or I'mma pull your dick off.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: E.C.

Posted on June 23, 2015
Brothers, Families, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Penis, Sisters, Threats

And Give You Lots of Material for Dr. Glick

Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don’t stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I’m going to yell at you and make fun of you.

–Restroom, JFK

Overheard by: tessa

Posted on June 21, 2015
Advice, At the Airport, Girls, Moms, Parents, Threats

But If You Need a Place to Pee Discreetly…

Little girl: Why are there coins in the fountain?
Jaded mom: People throw them in there because they think it will bring them good luck. But really, they're just making a mess. So, no, you may not throw any in the fountain.

–The Met

Posted on June 20, 2015
Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Questions, The Met

Just Don't Have Sex with Tommy Lee, and You Should Be Fine

Girl to mother: I always get freaked out when I see trucks carrying poles, I think they're going to impale me.
Mother: Well, it's good to be aware of that, it does happen. You never know when you're going to have to save your own life!

–Delancey St

Overheard by: Janelle

Posted on June 18, 2015
Cars and Driving, Fears, Girls, Lower East Side, Moms, Parents, Stupidity

Still, She'll Be the Most Popular Girl in High School.

Daddy to daughter: You don't know what “no” means?
Daddy to wife: We have completely failed as parents.

–Fort Green

Posted on June 16, 2015
Brooklyn, Couples, Dads, Families, Moms, Parents, Questions, Words

How Was Your Mother's Day, New York?

Toddler waiting for subway with mom: I need a snack.
Mother: You need a smack!

–Franklin Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on June 16, 2015
Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Moms, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Violence

…Why Does This Fit?

Mother: Here you go, honey. (hands clothing to daughter in dressing room)
Daughter: A 14? Mom, I'm a size 10! I know you think I'm morbidly obese, but…

–Bay Terrace, Queens

Overheard by: tinabee

Posted on June 16, 2015
Diet/Weight, Fashion, Girls, Height, Moms, Parents, Queens

For a Pre-Marital Look at a Pussy

Woman: Her parents are Republicans! They must be! I knew that I would eventually become a target of the Republican conspiracy.
Man: Why do you say that?
Woman: Don’t you see? They’re obviously trying to turn our son against us by taking him out of the country.
Man: If they’re Republicans, why would they be bringing him to France?

–Cobble Hill

Posted on June 13, 2015
Brooklyn, Couples, Democrats, Global Geography, Parents, Politics, Questions

Preschool Boot Camp for the Battle Between Men and Women

Mother: Thas what you gotta watch out for: those assholes.
3-year-old daughter: Okay, Mommy.

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Sanandara Bong

Posted on June 13, 2015
Kids, Moms, Parents, Union Square and East Village

Parents