Queer: Excuse me, ma’am?
Chick: Yes?
Queer: Um, girl, it’s time for some new Uggs. I felt it was my gift to society to tell you.
Chick: Dude, put your fag card down and start worrying about something else.
–Spring & Mercer
Queer: Excuse me, ma’am?
Chick: Yes?
Queer: Um, girl, it’s time for some new Uggs. I felt it was my gift to society to tell you.
Chick: Dude, put your fag card down and start worrying about something else.
–Spring & Mercer
Queer #1: …Well, he’s going to start his own porn company and he asked me to shoot for it.
Queer #2: So are you going to do it?
Queer #1: Hell, yeah! And I get to go auditions and sit there like Simon Cowell and be like, “You’re hot; you’re gross.”
Queer #2: So when they do auditions do they make them try out and do blowjobs and stuff?
Queer #1: No I just think they make them get naked.
–F train
Overheard by: Joe M.
Gay #1: Oh em gee, the cashier is like üober-hot.
Gay #2: I know, right?
(they both look at the cashier)
Gay #1: Sucks he’s a total straighty.
Gay #2: Well, at least he has a nice ass.
Gay #1: Yeah, I guess.
–Union Square American Eagle
Overheard by: Figs
Hobo: Excuse me, sir?
Queer: Ew, don’t talk to me. I have class.
Hobo: Fuckwit.
Queer: As least I got money.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Gary
Instructor: Mr. Hispanic man, talk to me. How do you like touching?
Student: I love it.
Instructor: How about a man touching you?
Student: Even better.
–Brooklyn College classroom
Overheard by: dp
60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jeff
Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!
–7th Ave & 6th St
Overheard by: NottRob
Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.
–21st St & Lexington
Overheard by: Jonas
Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.
–28th St & Lexington
Overheard by: sounds like a rager
Gay Asian man: Sorry I sound like a drag queen today.
Girl: Are you sick?
Gay Asian man: Oh no, it's hangover voice.
–FIT
Overheard by: Rins
Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.
–2 Train
Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Virginia
Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!
–Across from Spamalot Theatre
Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!
–Natural History Museum
(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park
Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!
–57th & 9th
Overheard by: JPM
Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.
–F Train
Overheard by: JB
Queer: Yeah, and then she started getting letters telling her how ugly she was…
Fruit flies: Oooh!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Must have been pretty f’ing ugly
Man, speaking on his cell phone: “I’m going to watch the Gay Superbowl tonight.”
– Streetcorner in Cobble Hill
