Queer #1: That was a guest conductor, right? The short one.
Queer #2: You mean the hobbit?
Queer #1: Oh, I didn’t look at her feet.
Queer #2: Honey, it was a metaphor.
–NY City Ballet, Lincoln Center
Queer #1: That was a guest conductor, right? The short one.
Queer #2: You mean the hobbit?
Queer #1: Oh, I didn’t look at her feet.
Queer #2: Honey, it was a metaphor.
–NY City Ballet, Lincoln Center
Boy (shouting): Damn son, smell like train up in here!
Flaming gay guy: You aint smellin' like flowers either, 'kay?
–D Train
Gay guy, asking girl while waiting for bathroom: So how does this outfit look?
Girl: Uhmm… It's … good.
Gay guy: Shut up!
Girl: What?
Gay guy: If you don't like it then just tell me!
Girl: Do you want the truth or support?
Gay guy: Support sounds good.
–Time Square
Girl hipster: How do you anally rape someone?
Queer hipster: Stealth.
–Fulton & Gold
Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror-esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror-esque gleam is damn sexy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: MiMi
Guy #1: Dude. Don’t hold my hand; that is so gay.
Guy #2: Ok, so I can suck your dick, but not hold your hand?
–Outside Down The Hatch, 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Romany
Fag hag: So, how was it?
Urban queer: Girl, it was a week ago and I'm still washing the taste of his dick outta my mouth!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Matthew
Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend either. I’m just too high maintenence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high maintenance, you are just plain old needy.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!
–Elephant and Castle, Greenwich Avenue
Overheard by: wecantdraw
Queer: Could you deliver these?
Attendant guy #1: What’s the address?
Attendant guy #2: He lives [at 985 5th Avenue].
Queer: How do you know that?
Attendant guy #1: This is my friend the stalker.
Attendant guy #2: I have a friend who lives there, so I’ve seen you walking in and out.
Queer: Well, the guy who lives above me has a license to carry a gun, and he always does…I have his number on my speed dial.
–Montague Wines, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Da rat
Chick: If we ever do go to Vegas, we have to see a brothel!
Queer: Isn’t that where monks live?
–Rubin Hall elevator, NYU
