Creepy man, about tourist’s rack: Are those real?
Tourist girl to friend: Whoa, I guess we should have left our nice purses at home…
–Broadway
Creepy man, about tourist’s rack: Are those real?
Tourist girl to friend: Whoa, I guess we should have left our nice purses at home…
–Broadway
Black girl: Okay, everybody, here’s where we learn to dance! Everybody repeat after me. To the left, to the right, to the left, to the right… [Passengers sway and laugh.]Sour WASP lady to adjacent white passenger: Is this what people are like when they’re on crack?
–3 train, 125th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?
–Toys “R” Us
Preppy girl #1: What’s the difference between men’s shaving cream and women’s shaving cream?
Preppy girl #2: Um… I think it’s a different chemical reaction or something.
–CVS, Willets Pt & Francis Lewis Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Jackie R.
20-ish girl #1: Wait, so the midget had a peg leg?
20-ish girl #2, annoyed: No. The midget was the peg leg!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Gretchen
Headline by: Ignatius Gerumpany
Runners-Up:
· “And He Had a Pygmy for an Eye Patch” – Jordan
· “Jerry Springer will never run out of material…” – alex
· “Pinocchio’s Tragic End” – Tristan Davis
· “The rigor mortis kept him nice and stable.” – internev
· “Transformers Porn Is Too Confusing” – Jenny C
Big, sleazy blonde: Are you fucking kidding me! You’ve never had sex?
Mormon guy: No, I promised myself I would save that for marriage.
Big, sleazy blonde: Oh my fucking goodness. What is this, an audition for the 40-year-old virgin movie?
Mormon guy: Haha, well, I’m not 40 yet.
Big, sleazy blonde: So, what do all you Mormons do when you date?
Mormon guy: Oh, you know — hold hands, talk, long walks on the beach, Scrabble…
Big, sleazy blonde: So, for you Mormons Scrabble is like sex, then?
–Metro North
Overheard by: trying my best not to laugh
Chick: Oh my god, Ali. You totally motorboated me at the bar last night!
Ali: And then you showed your tits to everyone, you whore.
Chick: Yeah, but I got a free shot.
Ali: And I do enjoy seeing your tits…
Ali’s boyfriend: Is it weird that you like her tits more than me?
–Metro North out of Fordham
Hipster girl #1: Can you be emo with a big dick?
Hipster girl #2: No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it has to be small for you to be emo.
Hipster girl #1: Sir! Excuse me, sir! Can I ask you a question? Can you be emo with a big dick or a small dick?
Passerby: Probably small.
Hipster girl #2: See?! I told you.
–Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: I guess I can’t be emo
Suit #1: What hour do you get into the office?
Suit #2: I arrive around seven and leave at six-thirty.
Suit #1: So, you work twelve-hour days? Do you ever sit at your desk and just fondle your balls?
–Italian restaurant, UES
Cop to old lady with walker: Excuse me, miss, do you have a license and insurance for that thing?
–57th St
Overheard by: jesse
Black teen to fellow commuter: So, I get off the train and I find this cop. He says to me, ‘Do I know you?’ ‘No, man.’ Then he asks, ‘Haven’t I arrested you before?’ And I say, ‘Nigga, please! No!’
–E train near W 4th St
Mounted police officer holding a pay phone and sobbing: Please, Mom, I’ll do anything!
–8th & 5th
Overheard by: jewish girl
Professor, about police sirens blaring outside: They’re playing our song.
–Columbia University
Large black lady hissing about a police dog sniffing and following black guy: That dog be racial profilin’! He’s a racist! That cop dog’s a racist!
–Subway station, Times Square
Chick to cop writing ticket, standing next to the naked cowboy: Can you give him a ticket for having a bubble butt?
–Times Square
Overheard by: knipc
