Questions

Unlicensed Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to screaming child: Now, honey, I want you to be yourself, just not to everyone.

–3rd St & Ave B

Overheard by: amanda

British mum to eight-year-old son: Bobby, stop looking at the bloody NASDAQ.

–Outside Toys ‘R’ Us

Loud lady to son: Go stand in line behind that Mexican man! Don’t let him intimidate you!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: jenmo

Dad to baby in stroller: Did you know that the price of copper is becoming irrelevant?!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Father to young son: Why are you putting your butt on me?

–Brooklyn Industries, 9th & 7th

Man to son: Don’t you tell me to shut up! I just bought you a bunch of Star Wars toys!

–Macy’s

Just Some Sparring, Followed by Spooning

Waiter #1: So, Todd called me last night.
Waiter #2: Did you pound him?

–Varick St

It Was More of a Baton Handoff Than a Throw, Really

Desperate wannabe bridezilla: Let me ask you a question — if you’re at a wedding and the bride throws the bouquet directly to you instead of to the whole crowd, does it still count?
Friend: I don’t think any of it really counts.
Passerby: Way to kill the mood.

–Elevator, 11th & University

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Why Lecture Halls Have Ejector Seats

Angry theology teacher: God created Adam and Eve–
Chick, cutting her off: –Who created God?

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Do You Still Have That Special on Tampons?

Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later… Oooh! Band-Aids!

–Universal Studios kitchen

Overheard by: Gunther

No-Nookie Night in Tribeca

Tuxedo: Oh, you should have called us! We could have gotten you into Spago. We go there all the time! The guy there is, like, our best friend! Honey, what’s the name of that guy at Spago?
Trophy wife: We’ve never been to Spago. You went there with Jennifer.

–Greenwich & N Moore

Overheard by: annulla

And Then Fail Them… Oh, Wait

Student: Do I need to do the math extra credit project?!
Teacher: Yes, because on Friday when you come to me and ask if you are failing, I’m gonna laugh at you. Then you will go home and tell your family that I laughed at you. Then they will come up to school and yell at me and I’ll laugh at them.

–Forest Hills school

Overheard by: laughing my ass off at my classmate

I Think “Hemingway Stole All His Ideas From Me” Is Explanation Enough

Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Vitto

Headline by: Alli

Runners-Up:

· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish

· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi

· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell

· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout

· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising

· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And Fluffy Never Gets Enough Credit

Friend: So, what did you do last night, Amy?
Woman: Well, I kicked my husband off the bed so I could sleep with my daughter and Fluffy. Men are so overrated.

–5th & Madison

Overheard by: Tjay

We’d All Go Back, but Who Wants Us?

Nanny: You don’t want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think… They think… They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.

–Immigration march, 14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

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