Tuxedo: Oh, you should have called us! We could have gotten you into Spago. We go there all the time! The guy there is, like, our best friend! Honey, what’s the name of that guy at Spago?
Trophy wife: We’ve never been to Spago. You went there with Jennifer.
–Greenwich & N Moore
Overheard by: annulla
Student: Do I need to do the math extra credit project?!
Teacher: Yes, because on Friday when you come to me and ask if you are failing, I’m gonna laugh at you. Then you will go home and tell your family that I laughed at you. Then they will come up to school and yell at me and I’ll laugh at them.
–Forest Hills school
Overheard by: laughing my ass off at my classmate
Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Vitto
Headline by: Alli
Runners-Up:
· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish
· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell
· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout
· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising
· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o
Friend: So, what did you do last night, Amy?
Woman: Well, I kicked my husband off the bed so I could sleep with my daughter and Fluffy. Men are so overrated.
–5th & Madison
Overheard by: Tjay
Nanny: You don’t want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think… They think… They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.
–Immigration march, 14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Thugette #1: Man, where the fuck am I gonna get a prom dress and after-party outfit? You know, I should just sell crack! Ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
Thugette #2: Yeah, that’s the best part about being a girl.
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: DaraDay
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “By the way, are you free to babysit that night?” – bobofthejungle
· “Miracle of birth ain’t got nothin’ on pushin'” – Erin
· “Sugar and Crack and Everything Whack” – The Trayster
· “The Third Wave of Feminism Wants Its Money, Bitch” – clevecinema
· “Well, Other Than the Multiple Orgasms…” – Teppy
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so he seemed like a really nice guy. I met him at Shaina’s party, we had an actual intellectual conversation, he may or may not have poisoned me…
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, but what if he did poison you? I mean, what then?
–3rd & 1st
Little boy, after dad explains difference between Barnard and Columbia: So, this side of the street is for girls, and that side is for boys?
Father: Exactly.
–116th & Broadway
Male professor: Oh, by the way, I saw Professor Ames* when I was in Chicago last weekend.
Female dean: Oh! Is he still as hot as he always was?
Male professor: [Blank stare.]Female dean: … In his field…
–NYU
Little boy: But Mom, what is my penis for?
Mom: I told you, if you have questions about that stuff, ask Daddy — not Mommy!
–Central Park South
Overheard by: L.L.
