Conductor: Please sit up.
Bag lady lying across several seats, staring at lights: Why won’t everyone leave me alone? [Begins loud, incoherent screaming.]Conductor, backing away slowly: Okay, never mind.
Bag lady, to passenger: So, I tied him up. I gave him a Viagra, and I rode him for seven hours. And that’s why I look like this.
–A train
Overheard by: Urban Cowboy
Young hipster: Remember that guy you used to work with — Carl?
Young suit: Yeah, I always hated that guy.
Young hipster: I saw him the other night, and he was telling me he was going to get ‘Hopeless romantic’ tattooed on his knuckles. I was like, ‘Dude, you cheated on your girlfriend and you have a pending rape case — maybe you shouldn’t get that tattoo.’
–N train
Girl #1: Anyhow, I kept telling him no, but he did. Then this morning I realized that I was raped.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: Yeah, but it was the best sex I ever had. But I didn’t want it.
–B train
Smug fashionista: My god, that’s a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Confused companion: Oh, did she kill fashion again?
Smug fashionista: Not only did she kill fashion again, but she raped it after killing it! She’s like… like… the necrophiliac of haute couture or something…. Wait. What the fuck am I talking about?!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: Minnie Sukthankar-Romanovich
Drunk frat guy: I don’t know about you fellas, but I’m going to Narnia. Shazam! [Dives head first into a wardrobe.]
–NYU dorm
Frat boy: Dude, do you think if I start drinking now I’ll still be drunk in Michigan?
–JFK
Overheard by: JJ
Drunk frat dude on cell: So, does autumn come after winter or before it?
–Outside Wogie’s, West Village
Overheard by: misspenny
Black frat dude to white frat dude: I mean, if the KKK could’ve thought of BET, they woulda done it 50 years ago.
–Columbia University
Drunk Long Island frat boy: At least no one got raped, so that’s pretty good.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: echo
20-something guy #1: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
20-something guy #2: Please. If you had been to prison I don’t think that you would have been the one doing the fucking.
20-something guy #1: I guess that’s true.
20-something chick: Fucking morons.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Bang-Around Bob
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
Teen girl #1: I just wish there was some middle ground. Like, if they could take the baby out without killing it.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.
Teen girl #1: But with rape, I think it’s totally wrong. It’s her fault.
Teen girl #2: Really? Why?
Teen girl #1: If you’re walking down a dark alley all alone, you have it coming to you. You should know better. It’s totally your own fault.
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Jewish chick #1: … So basically what you’re saying is, you got drunk, went to his apartment, and he raped you?
Jewish chick #2: I guess, technically, yeah. But he was totally hot and his apartment was amazing, so whatever.
–H&M, Soho
Overheard by: lc
Drunk guy: Vinny! Stop right there! [Vinny keeps walking.] Turn around! Stop walking! [Vinny ignores him.] Vinny, if you ever come in my house again and do that I will rape your mother!
–Outside Connie O’s Pub, Greenpoint
Headline by: Dave
Runners-Up:
· “And your little dog, too!” – Mandaliet
· “I’m just getting your pills, Grandpa.” – Anonymous
· “Look Where It Got You Last Time, Dad!” – Max Million
· “Red light/Green light: Hardcore rules” – travis
