Girl hipster: How do you anally rape someone?
Queer hipster: Stealth.
–Fulton & Gold
Girl hipster: How do you anally rape someone?
Queer hipster: Stealth.
–Fulton & Gold
Guy: God, Elizabeth Smart is hot.
Girl: I know! She makes me want to rape.
Guy: ME TOO! We should find her!
Girl: Wasn’t she found?
Guy: Yeah, but I mean find her to abduct her again.
Girl: I’m a raper, not a kidnapper.
Guy: Fine, I’ll kidnap her and we can take turns with the rape.
–Flatiron District
Overheard by: Jeff
Meathead #1: Dude, you saw Mitzo was found “Not Guilty” of child molestation, right?
Meathead #2: Yeah I did. Have you talked to him?
Meathead #1: Yeah, we were doing high-fives over some little girl’s back while we sodomized her.
–Victor’s Gym, Sherman Avenue
Overheard by: jermaine propane
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
Hipster girl #1: What are all those flags for?
Hipster girl #2: Isn't the Puerto Rican parade today?
Disillusioned passerby: Oh, great! More rapes in the park!
–Delancey & Orchard, Lower East Side
Overheard by: K Swin
Hipster girl: …so then he was like, “Hi, remember me? I jumped you on the bridge three years ago!”
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gamoid
Girl: There are so many hands on me right now.
–1 train, Lincoln Center
Girl on cell: So, I fell asleep on the bus the other day, and when I woke up, the guy next to me had his hand between my legs.
–BX 12 bus
Guy in wifebeater: Nah…Nah…That ain’t rape. That definitely ain’t rape.
–W. Broadway & Spring
Teen girl: What did I do this summer? I got fingered on a train, that’s what. Fucking bitches.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Dude on cell: I mean, I put her in some funny positions, but you must know her better by now…Hello?
–4th St & 6th Ave
Hipster girl to hipster guy: I’m really glad I ran into you! Maybe we could hump on this train too?
–Q train, Canal St
Overheard by: mike C.
Girl #1: Ohmigod. I never ever like come this far uptown.
Girl #2: Oh, I know! Never!
Girl #1: I never go above 14th street. Ever!
Girl #2: Oh, me neither. Ever! Well, maybe above 30th street.
Girl #1: Yeah, just for, like, Bungalow and stuff.
–Grand Central
Guy #1: The last two times I was at Crobar someone got raped in the bathroom. Isn’t that crazy? Two times. The last two times I was there.
Guy #2: Really? I don’t think I wanna go there.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. Besides, they were girls. And the bar is nice.
–6 train
Overheard by: zztop
Drunk man: I feel like I’ve been anally raped by Gwyneth Paltrow’s step-sister.
Drunk girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.
–Upper West Side
Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Alisha
Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.
–1 Train
Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.
–Q Train
Overheard by: spygirl
Hipster boy: I came home, and his shit was all open on my computer.
Hipster girl: He was on it again?!
Hipster boy: Yeah, and it was, like, rape videos he had downloaded. I sit down and it’s like rape, rape, rape. I don’t care if he uses my computer, but I don’t need to see that shit!
Hipster girl: For real.
–S 1st & Bedford
Overheard by: redshift
