Hippie chick #1: Dude, I fucking love Demuth.
Hippie chick #2: I know, right!
Hippie chick #1: If I ever met that man, I'd totally rape him.
Hippie chick #2: Oh my god! I would too!
–The Met
Hippie chick #1: Dude, I fucking love Demuth.
Hippie chick #2: I know, right!
Hippie chick #1: If I ever met that man, I'd totally rape him.
Hippie chick #2: Oh my god! I would too!
–The Met
White dude to passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't normally do this. I just got out of jail and my family won't let me come back home. I am not a drug user or an alcoholic. I go back to work on Monday, please help me. I'm scared. I went to a shelter and I was beaten and had everything taken from me. I'm just trying to make enough to stay at the YMCA for the night. Anything you can do to help me…
Chica, yelling: Yo, my friend wants to know what you was in jail for!
White dude: Oh, I raped a girl.
–F Train
Overheard by: LZA
Ghetto woman: She raped a 12-year-old boy?
Ghetto man: Yeah, she just opened the door and grabbed him and started fucking him.
Ghetto woman: Damn, that nigga probably went back and told all the Boy Scouts!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Skyler Fox
Female student #1: Yeah, I think I'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't kill me. It'd be pity sex.
Female student #2: That's not pity sex, that's rape!
–Columbia University Library
Overheard by: MizBehavior
Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.
–D train
20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.
–UWS
Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: westchester girl
Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.
–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights
B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: David
Girl #1: Let’s go to a karaoke bar!
Girl #2: Are you shitting me? My voice sounds like a cat being anally raped!
–East 6th, between 1st Ave and Ave A
Chick #1: He says he can fall in love with anybody, but he just sleeps with everybody.
Chick #2: Yeah, totally.
Chick #1: Also, he tried to date rape me, which is totally unromantic.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Jeff
Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don’t think so because I am pretty strong.
–NYU
Overheard by: Ting
Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class… I miss the Percocet.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!
–NYU
Professor: Don’t get too excited — I’m not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking ‘Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?’
–Fordham University
Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I’ll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by… doing drugs or something [leaves room].
–Waverly Building, NYU
Overheard by: evanescent
English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word ‘pus.’
–Hunter College
Overheard by: upperwestsider
Homeless woman: I’ve had a hard life. Just yesterday I was raped on the subway…
Man: Quit complaining! [Car laughs.]
–1 train
Man #1: Cops can get away with anything these days.
Man #2: Yeah, they could rape a raccoon if they wanted to.
–Central Park
Overheard by: raccoon assaulter
