She’s Trying to Tell You Something, Wednesday One-liners

Girl: If you ever make me sleep in an ATM vestibule again, I am so dumping you.

–Grand Central

Woman on cell: Yeah, sure, go ahead and break my heart, but don’t keep my CDs.

–3rd & A

Overheard by: Kira

Crying woman on cell: No, I don’t want to do it with you. I just want the money!

–66th & Columbus

Overheard by: Charlie

Chick on cell: Yeah, I was there like you said but he wasn’t there. You said he’d be there!…Well, fuck you too! I’m going to kill you when I get home you motherfuckin’ bastard! You better say goodbye to your balls!…What?…Yeah. Sure. I’m up for some Chinese later…Bye baby…I love you too, pumpkin.

–Canal & West Broadway

Cashier guy: I told you I have a girlfriend, that’s why my face is all scratched up.”

–Home Depot, 59th Street

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

U2?

Cute blonde: So, Mike is going back to his ex-girlfriend.
Cute redhead: Ewww! Why? He's a moron. This is exactly why my new year's resolution is to become a cutter and start smoking again.
Cute blonde: Seriously, I'm ready to slice my shit.
Cute redhead: Oh! We should we bedazzle our razor blades.
Cute blonde: Yes! I'm putting hearts on mine. You know, in the name of love.

–W Broadway & Spring

Posted on January 10, 2015
Girls, Gossip, Insults, Love, Relationships, Smoking, Soho

Once Again, Match.com Really Does Work

Bald, dorky white guy on date: What kind of Italian restaurant doesn’t have Chicken Parmesan on the menu?
Homely-looking white girl on date: I know.

–Isola, 83rd & Columbus

Posted on January 5, 2015
Dating, Food, Manhattan, Money & Class, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

That Means She Doesn’t Do Threesomes That Involve Those People

Sorority girl: I’m in three exclusive relationships right now.

–uptown 1 train

Overheard by: molz

Posted on December 31, 2014
Dating, On the Subway, Relationships, Sorority Girls, Yeaaahhh College!

You Know, All That Makes about As Much Sense As the Trinity

Hardhat #1: Hera.
Hardhat #2: Hera?
Hardhat #3: Yeah, you know, his wife.
Hardhat #2: Well, I know she was Zeus’s wife, but who was Chronos’s wife?
Hardhat #1: I don’t know.
Hardhat #3: Maybe he didn’t have a wife.

–7th & Ave B

Overheard by: Rhea

Posted on December 31, 2014
Construction Guys, Relationships, Union Square and East Village

I Knew This Planned Parenthood Internship Would Pay Off

Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!?

–Bathroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on December 30, 2014
Abortion, Advice, Default, Fordham, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Stall Spies, Students

It’s Quite a Bind

Woman #1: But not all Asian girls are pretty.
Woman #2: Oh I know, but he just thinks that, on a scale of 1-10, Asian girls start off with like a +10.
Woman #1: Oh, well that’s good, because most white guys just see that they’re Asian and don’t consider whether they’re really pretty or not.

–78th & Lexington

Posted on December 30, 2014
Asians, Fashion, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Upper East Side

Good Luck Finding Any

Sad teen girl: I'm just sad… We had to talk about love and soulmates in English class.
Teen friend: We're teenagers. You gotta be shallow and superficial. That love and soulmate shit is for grownups.

–E Train

Overheard by: grown-up

Posted on December 28, 2014
Advice, On the Subway, Relationships, School and studying, Teens

Chinese Fighting Shoe

Girl: What happened?
Guy: Man, that girl brushed up on me, so I turned around, and the bitch said, “Don’t fucking look at me!” and she slapped me!
Girl: Really?!
Guy: And then my girl just starting beating on her!
Girlfriend: Haha yeah! Did you see all that blood?
Guy: Girl must have been coked out for it to come spilling out like that.
Girl: It was crazy! We didn’t know what was going on!
Girlfriend: Its like that time at the club when I took off my shoe!

–Kellogg Diner, Brooklyn

Posted on December 25, 2014
Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Girlfriends, Girls, Punch, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Weirdness

On eHarmony, No Less.

College girl #1: For two people who've been together for so long, Jen and Mike really haven't done much in bed. She was so surprised to hear how far I went with Steve.
College girl #2: I thought they've had sex?
College girl #1: Yeah, but he's never seen her boobs!!
College girl #2: They had sex and he's never seen her boobs? Nate has seen my boobs–does that make me a whore?
College girl #1: Steve has seen my boobs too…
College girl #2: Who is more of a whore?
College girl #1: Me–definitely me.
College girl #2: I don't think so.
College girl #1: Let's have a competition.
College girl #2: I met him over the internet!
College girl #1: Oh yeah! You win.

–Union Square

Posted on December 25, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Gossip, Internet, Promiscuity, Questions, Rack, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls, Union Square and East Village

Relationships