Girl #1: When people make stuff out of metal, they just melt it, right?
Girl #2: I think so.
Girl #1: Still, metal's way better than plastic.
Girl #2: Totally.

–Astoria Blvd

Overheard by: sara n.

Girl #1: I bet you don't even know who invented the light bulb.
Girl #2: I do, too! It was Alexander Graham Bell.
Girl #1, laughing hysterically: No, it wasn't! It was Albert Einstein.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: alissarules

Guy: It’s the sort of class where the value of Greek civilization is assessed by expressing its estimated GDP as a fractal.

–Columbia University bookstore

Overheard by: Tim Wolfe

Asian stereotype #1: Yeah, if I'm not valedictorian, I'll definitely be in the top ten.
Asian stereotype #2: Wait, but aren't there like thirteen people in the top ten?

–1 Train

Overheard by: non-stereotype Asian

Teacher: I mean, with all the salt I eat, my blood pressure should be equal to Avogadro’s number over Planck’s constant! But it’s not…

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Middle-school Latina to posse of Asian males: Asian girls aren’t smaller — they have six muscles in their vagina, and white girls have four, and black girls have two. That’s because black guys have the biggest penises, so the women have fewer muscles. And Asian men have the smallest, so the women have six muscles so it feels tighter… It’s true. I learned it in biology.

–Brooklyn-bound N train

Overheard by: Shannon

Conductor: This is the train to Huntington. This is the train going to Huntington! If you didn’t hear your stop before, this is not the train you’re supposed to get on! Come on, people — this is not quantum physics, people! If your stop is not called, this is not your train!

–LIRR, Huntington Branch, Jamaica stop

Overheard by: Jenn

Skanky mom: Just not too much science stuff, okay?

–In line, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Dork

Nerdy hipster guy: So that simplifies to 400-350, which is…?
Clearly hungover girl: Unnngggggg, a hundred?
Very effeminate black friend: Damn, girl, whatever happened to you? Never go full retard!

–Starbucks, Midtown

Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?

–College of Staten Island

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?


Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.


Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Yuppie chick #1: So, I went to the Museum of Natural History yesterday.
Yuppie chick #2: You wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah.
Yuppie chick #2: Why?
Yuppie chick #1: ‘Cause they have stuff there.
Yuppie chick #2: You know, I’ve never been to the Museum of Natural History. What kind of stuff do they have there?
Yuppie chick #1: You know, like, natural science stuff… A lot of the stuff there, though, was for little kids.
Yuppie chick #2: Yeah, I wouldn’t go there. Who wants to see natural science stuff?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah, I mostly thought it was stupid.

–Utopia Diner, 72nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Cultured New Yorker

Guy #1: Did you know that scientists say that sperm smells?
Guy #2: Do you mean that sperm can smell its way to the pussy or that sperm just smells in general?

–Elevator, Tribeca