Sisters

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

No One Can Dick You Over Without Your Consent

Older sister: I mean, you handled that breakup really well. If I didn't see you that weekend, I would have never known something went wrong. He totally dicked you over…
Little sister: He didn't totally dick me over, he was a total dick. There's a difference.

–NYU

Wait a Minute– Like Boys How?

Eight-year-old girl to older brother: I don't like booooooys!
10-year-old brother: I don't like boys, either!
Kids' ghetto mom to son: Boy, you betta like boys or I'mma pull your dick off.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: E.C.

Meanwhile, George Clooney Holds the Skeleton Key to All Pussies.

Little boy to older sister: What is that?
Sister: The key to my pussy.

–Ditmas Park, Brooklyn

But First I’ll Stuff Him with Chocolate!

Girl #1: Mom wants you to dress Jose up for Halloween.
Girl #2: He’s only 1 1/2 years old. What would I do that for?
Girl #1: Dress him up as an M&M.
Girl #2: Oh, right.

–L Train

Overheard by: Christopher

You Think She’d Hook Up With Me?

Sister #1: You know what Auntie Cathy* said last week? She said that, back in the 40’s, Aunt Mary* was a huge slut! She said, and I quote, “She had the clap so many times it amounted to applause.”
Sister #2: And I thought the only hobby she ever had was crocheting those ugly stuffed animals.

–Quizno’s, 14th & 3rd

The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is ‘Faggot’

8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.

–Corona, Queens

Overheard by: Amy

…It’s Extra-large, Right? I Don’t Want To Get Your Herpes.

[Twenty something chick stops in the middle of the store and looks around.]Twenty something dude, who is obviously brother of twenty something chick: What? What are you looking for?
Twenty something chick: The condoms.

–Duane Reade, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Because, Really, Does Anyone Care?

Young girl: Mommy, is Canada in Europe?
Sister of young girl: Of course it is, stupid! It's right next to Quebec.
Mom: Uh, no honey, it's in…
Sister of young girl: It's in Europe.
Mom: No, it's in…
Sister of young girl: Europe!
Mom: Fine! Canada is in Europe.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Lydia

Or Straight

Boy: You know what, I don’t know anyone who has such good taste in fashion as me, and I’m only twelve!
Mom: Honey, stop saying those things. People will think you’re arrogant.
Girl: It’s only arrogance if you’re wrong.

–McDonald’s, Times Square

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