Stupidity

But Courage Is Being Scared and Doing What You Have to Do

Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #1: So I signed up for the police exam.
Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, can you fuckin’ imagine me as a fuckin’ cop? All you have to do, though, is pass some fucking test, and then it’s good for four years. So if I decide I don’t want to be a teacher four years from now, I can just go be a cop.
Blonde #2: Wow, there’s no drug test?
Blonde #1: Yeah, but you can get a stick and put bleach on it and then piss on the stick when you take the test, and it kills all that shit.
Blonde #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, that’s what I heard.
Blonde #2: Well, don’t they watch you or search you or something?
Blonde #1: Well, maybe, but in that case you can just do a shot of bleach before you take the test. That will clean you out.
Blonde #2: Wow, I don’t think I want to do a shot of bleach.
Blonde #1: I know — that shit’s scary, right?!

–4 train, Fulton St

Overheard by: I think arsenic works too

Wait, Which One am I Again?

Dude #1: So it’s 5:30 and it doesn’t start until 7:00. That gives us two and a half hours.
Chick: An hour and a half.
Dude #2: Here’s the former English major telling the med school student how to do math.

–Madison Square Garden

And They Didn’t Say ‘Juicy’ on the Ass

Skinny blonde girl: So, was she Jewish?
20-something guy: No, she couldn’t have been. She was wearing pants.

–1st Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: I hate that I know this kid.

No, No — My Knees

Girl: It was great — so smooth and quiet and roomy — there was tons of leg room!
Guy: Mhmmm…
Girl: Like, like, say these are my knees…
Guy: Those are your knees.

–Outside Penn Station

Physician, Heal Thyself

MTA employee: What train is this?
Subway rider: Uh… the W.
MTA employee: Does it go to City Hall?
Subway rider: Yes, it follows the same line as the R.
MTA employee: Oh, okay, good. [Upon reaching City Hall] Wow, that was fast.

–W train at Whitehall Station

See How You’re Not Any Brighter?

Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.

Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.

Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.

–JFK

Or They Might Have Just Moved Manhattan around It

Hipster teen #1: Dude, where the hell is Madison Square Garden?
Hipster teen #2: Yo, I don’t know. My mom said it’s over here somewhere. It was right here last time I came!
Hipster teen #1: Dude, they don’t just move Madison Square Garden.
Hipster teen #2: Yeah, you never know, though. With all them terrorists and shit, they got to move stuff all the time.

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Corrie

And the Special Olympics Runners Totally Remove That Extra Chromosome before Every Track Meet

Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.

–US Open, Queens

Overheard by: Working on my backhand

Wallace: Oooh, Wensleydale?

NYU chick: No, that can’t be true.
NYU dude: I’m dead serious — I couldn’t make that up!
NYU chick: So, you are honestly telling me that if you don’t wash your ball sack, you will grow cheese?

–10th St, between 5th Ave & University

Stop Trying to Eat This and Read Something!

Bimbette: I think Sandy* has dyslexia.
Friend: How do you know? You’re not in any of her classes.
Bimbette: I know, but she’s just so skinny.

–Madison Ave

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