Little girl: I like hitting my head against my daddy’s bottom!
Dad, shocked but chuckling: Oh… Well… Honey… Those conversations are left for at home…
Lady: Yeah, I really didn’t need to hear that.
–Water St
Little girl: I like hitting my head against my daddy’s bottom!
Dad, shocked but chuckling: Oh… Well… Honey… Those conversations are left for at home…
Lady: Yeah, I really didn’t need to hear that.
–Water St
Man #1: Do you think in a past life you were a lemon?
Man #2: Why do you ask?
Man #1: I was just wondering…
–Starbucks
20-ish WASP in fur coat on cell: Don’t you have a bowl? [Sigh] Do you have a bottle of tonic or, like, an apple or a traffic cone? Well, I’m sure there is something in your apartment I can make a bong out of.
80-ish Jewish woman: That’s an inappropriate conversation if I ever heard one…
20-ish WASP in fur coat: Whatever, that was my boss.
–Elevator, 62nd & 2nd
Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!
–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt
Overheard by: Liza
Chick: James Brown died.
Dude: No, he didn’t!
Chick: Yeah, he did!
Dude: But… He’s right there! [Points at TV.]Chick: Yeah. That’s cool, isn’t it?
Dude: What were we talking about before this shit?
Chick: Cutting off your cheek.
Dude: Right.
–McDonald’s
Hardhat to passerby: Does this building look crooked to you?
–Construction site, 12th & 4th
Overheard by: Random Passerby
Hardhat to another: You’re everybody’s bitch, you just haven’t accepted it yet.
–PATH escalators, World Trade Center station
Overheard by: archly
Hardhat to coworkers: I’m not a monster!
–35th & Madison
Hardhat, belching loudly: There! Whaddya think of that, ya fuckin’ A-wipe?!
–Midtown
Hardhat to circle of coworkers: So, you got the sperm over here…
–Center Blvd, Long Island City
Overheard by: Sabrina
Guy to girl in aisle seat: Excuse me — I think I’m inside you.
–Board plane at LaGuardia
Hot chick to friend: You have to play with it every night. Give it the attention it deserves.
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Jatmos
Conductor: If you got something sticking out, pull it all in! In the rear and the front!
–1 train
Teacher: You’ve got to stick it in the hole and twist it!
–MS 54
Overheard by: It’s not turning!
Hoochie on cell: Hi, it’s Sarah returning your call. I’m in Noho… or Soho… I don’t know what ‘ho’ I’m in…
–Broadway, between Prince & Spring
Overheard by: Not a Ho
JAP #1: When I grow up I want to be purple.
JAP #2: What? I’m putting that on Facebook!
JAP #1: Why? I was just talking to myself… Fuck, I was talking to myself.
–82nd & Lex
Two-year-old boy into broken cell: Hello? Hello?
Mom: That’s right!
Two-year-old boy: Mommy? Mommy! Mommy!
Mom: Honey, no yelling!
Two-year-old boy, whispering: Mommy! Mommy! [Turns the cell around, using it as a gun.] Bam! Bam! Bam, bam, bam! [Starts ‘shooting’ passengers.] Bam! Bam! Bam!
Mom: Honey! No acts of violence!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by:
Girl on first date: Are you texting someone?
Guy on first date: No, I’m just playing Tetris.
Girl on first date: Okay… You know what? I gotta go, it’s getting late.
–Sushi bar
