“It’s a date!”

Chick: You have no idea how much less anxiety I have now that I know I don’t have to worry about leaving the country…not that they are kicking me out, but you know that I can leave and come back and it’s not an issue…This just makes me so excited! When I get excited I start to twitch, I apologize, but it’s a good thing! You get me excited! Not in that way, I mean, you’re my professor, and female, but not to say you aren’t good looking…
Professor: Um, okay, so let’s pretend I was deaf for that last 30 seconds and I’ll see you on Friday.

–Hunter North Building, East 69th Street

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Girl: I guess I’ll be taking my vibrator out for Valentine’s.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Toby Boudreaux

Posted on October 19, 2014
History & Geography, Manhattan, Stupidity, Upper East Side

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Woman #1: Whose urine is this in the kitchen?
Woman #2: What urine?
Woman #1: The urine in front of the microwave.
Woman #2: That’s not where the urine goes.

–Office, UES

Posted on October 15, 2014
Pee, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side, Women

Pure Goyish Goodness

Father: You dip it in pork?
Son: I dip it in pork.

–87th & 1st

Overheard by: Beeeej

Posted on October 14, 2014
Dads, Food, Upper East Side

Thanks to this Site, Now You’ve Told All Women

Guy #1: I’m a good guy, I swear.
Guy #2: He really is. Only draw lines on weekends.

The girl leaves.

Guy #1: Dude, why did you have to say that? Sure, everyone does it, but it’s secret guy code: never tell a woman!

–76th & 2nd

Posted on October 13, 2014
Etiquette, Guys, Upper East Side

Mark Felt Hands Over His Title

Teen girl #1: So I was like, “Ew dude, stop, you’re too small. I don’t even feel nuttin’!”
Teen girl #2: Yo, he gotta be at least 10 inches for me to even consider it.

–68th & 2nd

Overheard by: Monique

Posted on October 11, 2014
Body Parts, Manhattan, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper East Side

For Compliments, Like Most Guys?

Guy in business casual: Deer, zombies, Nazis… They're all fair game in my book.
Friend: I've never been hunting before, but I do like fishing.

–73rd St

Overheard by: Irish Dave

Posted on October 11, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners for the Tots

Little girl: Mommy, how old will I be when I have sex?

–18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mayde and Daniel

Posted on October 10, 2014
College, Elevators, Fordham, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Violence

Finding Affordable Housing in New York? Really?

Girl, dejected: You know, it’s just so hard to do right now.
Sympathetic guy: Yeah, yeah… Plus, it’s a felony.

–66th & York

Overheard by: Dave C

Posted on October 9, 2014
Crime and Punishment, Friends, Upper East Side

I Think I Can Hazard A Guess

Guy #1: Yeah, so I failed fourth grade twice.
Guy #2: Hmm…
Guy #1: They said I cheated on a test, but I didn’t, but they still failed me.
Guy #2: So did you fail fourth grade twice or did you just repeat fourth grade?
Guy #1: Oh, I have no idea.

–92nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Shanon H.

Posted on October 9, 2014
Elementary & Middle School, Guys, School and studying, Upper East Side

And I Don’t Mean His Voice

Opera Fan: Well the best thing about it is, he’s the closest thing we have to a castrato today.

–UES

Posted on October 9, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Music, One-liners, Upper East Side

Upper East Side