Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.

–St. Mark’s Church

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Woman: Where are all the restaurants?

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Kate

Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?

–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Captain Obvious

Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?

–40th & Broadway

Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: JDH

She Could Have Said “Uterus”

Girl #1: Ugh! It’s horrible out! It feels like I’m in someone’s lung!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It’s just so moist and warm out here; it’s like being in a giant lung.
Girl #2: …that’s the most disgusting description I think I’ve ever heard.

–74th & Madison

Overheard by: Sarah

If You Axe Me, It Sure is a Secret

Guy: Where do you fall in the debate over wearing deodorant versus body odor?
Girl: Um, I didn’t realize there was a debate.

–70th & York

Quit Lying, You Horny Prick

Lanky guy: I really don’t like these new jeans you got me. They’re way too tight in the waist and legs, but baggy in the butt, and at least two inches too short. Plus they’re boot cut, and I don’t wear any boots!
Girl: Those are my jeans.
Lanky guy: Oh. Well, that would explain the lack of room in the crotch, then.

–64th & Lexington

Overheard by: Adria

Is It Going to Work Out with Wednesday One-liners?

Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!”

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

Overheard by: alex

Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once?

–26th & Lexington

Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone.

–Burger King, Union Turnpike

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late!

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike

Chef Boyardee Raped My Family

Girl #1: He was a great cook.
Girl #2: All the lunatics are, my dear.

–Vermicelli, 78th & 2nd

He Ate the Rest of His Litter

Guy #1: That’s a cute dog.
Guy #2: Thanks, she’s my daughter.
Guy #1: …How is that possible?
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s right: I gave birth to her, she came out of my vagina.

–98th & 5th

He’s “Dating” Her as We Speak

Russian chick: I don’t know why he’s so pathetic that he resorts to lap dancing. I mean, come on, lap dancing! Is he really so desperate? He’s a good-looking guy, I just don’t understand how he could stoop so low!
Preppy guy: No no no, you misunderstand! He’s not desperate, he’s just into that sort of thing… you know, he’s actually dating a porn star right now.

–84th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Mr. Sausage

That’s Just Sucking Up to the Barber

Guy: So after my reading, one of the actors was being all nice to me, and wanting to hang out, whatever. I thought he was just being friendly, but then I found out from my friend that in acting school they tell you to do that.
Girl: Do what?
Guy: You know, hook up with up and coming playwrights and directors, so you have contacts. Come to think of it, all my actor friends started being nicer to me after my reading. You guys should be sucking up, too.
Girl: I like your hair.

–105th & 5th

Always Complaining About Wednesday One-liners

Lady: I don’t like to parallel park…it messes up my hair.

–61st & Madison

Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.

–L train

Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn’t fucking bartending! It sucked!

–61st & 3rd

Chinese chick: Oh, I don’t watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?

–B6 bus

Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?

–Penn Station

Girl: I don’t know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I’ll be honest, sometimes they just don’t do it for me.

–2 train

Punk chick: …hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Chick: You’re not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don’t wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Domi & Rachel

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist