She Worked the INS in McDonaldland

Crazy lady: Yo! Uh…man!
Hot dog guy: Yes?
Crazy lady: Why aren’t you serving me?
Hot dog guy: I just placed your order, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Well I used to work in immigration, so you best be doing that shit quick like right? Shit, I was immigration, okay? I know people, all right?
Hot dog guy: Like who?
Queer: Kenneth Cole?
Crazy lady: No! I know Diedre. Now don’t be playing these crazy mindgames with me! I’m prepared. I have a gun.
Hot dog guy: That’s very nice. That’ll be 5.98 total, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Fuck you. I’m gone now. You can’t see me!
Queer: Faggot, just go away.

–Papaya King, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben Bleiberg

Posted on February 7, 2006
Crazies, Food, People, Queers, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers

Sir, Kim Cattrall is With Flaw

Guy #1: I met this girl, she was perfect.
Guy #2: Whaddya mean?
Guy #1: She was like a mannequin.
Guy #2: Interesting concept…

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: Jules Cattie

Posted on February 2, 2006
Fashion, People, Upper East Side

It’s an Auditorium, Not a Nebula

Dad: Could you tell me where the auditorium is?
Security guy: It’s on the second floor.
Dad: Wait, you mean it’s actually in the building?

–Hunter College High School, 94th & Park

Posted on January 31, 2006
Parents, People, Stupidity, Upper East Side

He Went There So He Could Announce It Publicly

Girl: Do you all have a financial planner? I think it’s very important.
Guy: I didn’t go to Harvard Business School just to let some guy from Cornell manage my money.

–Artisanal, Park Avenue

Overheard by: Swirve

Posted on January 21, 2006
First-Tier Ivies, Ivy League, Money & Class, Second-Tier Ivies, Upper East Side

Welcome Back to School, New York

Professor guy: Remember, next week’s exam will cover all the material from the past three weeks.
Chick: Uh, ‘scuse me? When are we going to get to the Zodiac signs?
Professor guy: Um, you do know this is astronomy and not astrology, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Hello Clairice

Posted on January 17, 2006
Education, Hunter, Intelligentsia, Mysticism, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side

“Get the halal out of here!”

Tween boy #1: Fine, fine. I’ll buy you a BLT. How ’bout that?
Tween boy #2: A BLT? I’m Jewish, you idiot.
Tween boy #1: Oh, whatever. I see you eat a BLT every day, liar.

–64th & Park

Overheard by: Andrea C.

Posted on January 14, 2006
Food, Jews, Kosher food, Street, Tweens, Upper East Side

It’s a Late Wednesday One-liners Lunch

Guy: I really hate the concept of Starbucks, but they really have the best product.

–85th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Posted on January 11, 2006
Business and Commerce, Coffee, Idiots, One-liners, Stupidity, Upper East Side

#1 Went Where #2 Goes

Girl: I had four vibrators.
Guy: You had four vibrators?
Girl: Yeah, and I was using the blue one to massage his neck.

–64th & 3rd

Overheard by: peter

Posted on January 6, 2006
Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners Love Bathroom Humor

Old woman: My mother kept saying that she wants to have carpet installed over her stone floors, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea. She’s incontinent, and as I always say, “carpeting and
incontinence do not belong in the same sentence!”

–Office, 66th & York

Overheard by: Molly the Mole

Posted on January 4, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Disabilities, Old People, Parents, Poop, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners for Bloodhounds

Chick on cell: I guess it’s must be a cultural thing. I mean, maybe it doesn’t smell to them.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: LeBrawn

Posted on January 4, 2006
Girls, Scents of the City, Upper East Side

Upper East Side