Guy on cell: I don’t think it’s time yet to do the professional intervention thing. I mean if she drops down below 90, then maybe it’s time. But I’d like to her get down to 95, then she would be hot. As long as she doesn’t lose those 5 in her tits. Shit, she has nice tits.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Guy: You know, for a hundred dollars, you can get that old mink stole
made into a teddy bear!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Ron Caldwell
Jamaican woman: Oh mahn, I used to get so high and den turn on dat Spanish channel so loud and just sit in front of it and listen.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Future NYer
Drunk girl: I’ve never been above ground before.
Dude: Where are you going?
Drunk girl: 96th and Park.
Dude: We’re in Queens right now. Queens is not where you want to be.
–N train
Overheard by: Brandi Brown
Guy: Dad, you had to see this broad; she must have been 200 to 250.
Dad: Like you’re some prize. You are 40, divorced, have 3 kids and live at home with your parents.
–68th & York
Overheard by: Anthony DiGangi
Little girl: Mommy, what’s this?
Mom: Japanese art. You know, like in Mulan.
–The Met
Crazy lady: Yo! Uh…man!
Hot dog guy: Yes?
Crazy lady: Why aren’t you serving me?
Hot dog guy: I just placed your order, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Well I used to work in immigration, so you best be doing that shit quick like right? Shit, I was immigration, okay? I know people, all right?
Hot dog guy: Like who?
Queer: Kenneth Cole?
Crazy lady: No! I know Diedre. Now don’t be playing these crazy mindgames with me! I’m prepared. I have a gun.
Hot dog guy: That’s very nice. That’ll be 5.98 total, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Fuck you. I’m gone now. You can’t see me!
Queer: Faggot, just go away.
–Papaya King, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ben Bleiberg
Guy #1: I met this girl, she was perfect.
Guy #2: Whaddya mean?
Guy #1: She was like a mannequin.
Guy #2: Interesting concept…
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: Jules Cattie
Dad: Could you tell me where the auditorium is?
Security guy: It’s on the second floor.
Dad: Wait, you mean it’s actually in the building?
–Hunter College High School, 94th & Park
Girl: Do you all have a financial planner? I think it’s very important.
Guy: I didn’t go to Harvard Business School just to let some guy from Cornell manage my money.
–Artisanal, Park Avenue
Overheard by: Swirve
