White boy: I’d never be intimidated by the black people in Connecticut after spending a few days here.
White girl: You think the black people here are intimidating?
White boy: Like, I’d walk up to a couple black guys at home after being here and just be like, ‘Excuse me,’ if they were standing in my way.
–Lafayette & Claussen
Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Lisa
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!
–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health
Overheard by: nooners
Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.
–Starbucks, 59th & Lex
Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!
–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.
–Barnard dorm
Overheard by: babs standigio
Man: So, where are you from?
Woman: Boston.
Man: Oh, yeah. That’s in Chicago, right?
–2 train
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
35-ish lady to friend: I don’t even have anything in my mouth, and I still feel American.
–Smith & President
Ferry captain: Welcome to the United States. All crew members please report for docking…
–Manhattan-bound ferry
Overheard by: wondering where we were before…
Female writing professor: No, keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind. This is America, people — don’t be crazy.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Nina
Chick: Bleeding to death? Brain damage? I’m leaning towards gangrene. That’s just so all-American, Oregon Trail, you know? If he’s in this country, he’d better be ready to die like it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Michelle
Professor: Brooklyn is not part of Long Island the same way New York is not part of America. We’re not in America right now.
–NYU
Overheard by: And Staten Island doesn’t exist.
Boricua thug: So I say, ‘Why you be poopin’ on the shirts of America?’
–5th Ave
Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Hoochie #1: … Because what could happen is you end up in Chicago and he ends up naked.
Hoochie #2: And that would be so weird.
Hoochie #1: Yeah, that would be so awkward.
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: …i’ll say it would be awkward!
Blonde #1: Of course there are 50 states. Duh!
Blonde #2: Yeah… Wait, what state is Florida in?
–Penn Station
Teen girl #1: Yeah, Florida is totally North of New York.
Teen girl #2: Are you kidding me? No, it’s not.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, it is! I mean, like, you drive North to the airport, right? And South of New York is just, like… water.
Teen girl #2, staring in disbelief: Wow.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Shocked
