Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.
–W 4th & Greene
Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.
–W 4th & Greene
Teen boy: Yeah, I read the audio book.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Sarah
Chick: My life has really changed since moving to New York. Like, in L.A. I use to read Us Weekly, and now I read The New Yorker.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Aileen
UWS mom to hippie college son: Darling, I’ve decided we must get this book because it feels really quite wonderful. [Customers gawk.] I know it sounds weird, but the way a book feels means a lot, and this one feels good. Oh, and I like the cover.
–The Strand
Overheard by: losaida lois
Literary agent: God, I’m so sick of domestic violence memoirs. I just want to go beat the crap out of them.
–W 35th St
Lit professor: Reading Ulysses for the first time, like other life experiences we have for the first time, is not quite as pleasurable as we might have hoped it would be. However, unlike other life experiences we have for the first time, reading Ulysses lasts much, much longer.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: amelia
Comedy club promoter: You girls like comedy clubs, right?
Girl: No, sorry.
Comedy club promoter: You must be from New Jersey.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lana S.
Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Young girl: I’m bored.
Father: Okay, let’s play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go — A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that’s a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: … I can’t!
Father: That’s because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay — C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn’t really give you credit for that… but I guess this time… D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.
–C train
Overheard by: CPC
Scholar: I’ve spent most of my time at NYU defending New Jersey.
–Washington Square
Queer: I knew there was a reason I live in New Jersey — I can buy coke.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Natalie
Indignant hobo, to self: State of New Jersey! Yeah, right!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Conductor: To all of you passengers wandering around looking for seats, there are five empty cars at the front of the train. They’re going to New Jersey, too, you know.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Chick on cell: Geez, Mom! It’s not my fault you decided to have another baby after forty… Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is my fault… Yeah, but you gotta talk to Dad about that last part. I was in Jersey most of that year, remember?
–L train
Overheard by: Kelly
Two-year-old boy, as train emerges from tunnel into New Jersey: Ewww!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: my thoughts exactly
Woman #1: I was supposed to go to Detroit tonight.
Woman #2: How far is that?
Woman #3: Eight hours, right? ‘Cause it’s, like, eight hours to Miami.
Woman #1: But Detroit’s in Chicago, not Florida.
Woman #3: Oh, yeah.
–Bowery
Man: So, how was Missouri?
Woman: I was in Vermont.
Man: How was Vermont?
Woman: It was okay.
Man: Was it?
–1166 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Chick #1: Where the fuck is Seattle?
Chick #2: Oregon.
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Meghan
Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m in New York City… Yeah, it’s on the East coast, but it’s not really on the East coast. It’s not, like, next to water or anything.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Beach Goer
Dude: My god. I mean, everyone knows Broadway and Fifth Avenue are the same thing, and the idiot says no.
–14th & 4th
Overheard by: girl in the red coat
High school boy: So let me ask you this — how easy is it to cross over from Egypt to Mexico?
–3 train
Overheard by: Nick H
School trip escapee teen to pal: Now we can do whatever we want… We’re in Times Square!
–Outside Penn Station, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Go back to Iowa
Tourist chick to friends: LaGuardia? How the fuck did we end up at the fucking airport?
–Houston, at LaGuardia
