U.S. Geography

Scholar: I’ve spent most of my time at NYU defending New Jersey.

–Washington Square

Queer: I knew there was a reason I live in New Jersey — I can buy coke.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Natalie

Indignant hobo, to self: State of New Jersey! Yeah, right!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Conductor: To all of you passengers wandering around looking for seats, there are five empty cars at the front of the train. They’re going to New Jersey, too, you know.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Chick on cell: Geez, Mom! It’s not my fault you decided to have another baby after forty… Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is my fault… Yeah, but you gotta talk to Dad about that last part. I was in Jersey most of that year, remember?

–L train

Overheard by: Kelly

Two-year-old boy, as train emerges from tunnel into New Jersey: Ewww!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: my thoughts exactly

Woman #1: I was supposed to go to Detroit tonight.
Woman #2: How far is that?
Woman #3: Eight hours, right? ‘Cause it’s, like, eight hours to Miami.
Woman #1: But Detroit’s in Chicago, not Florida.
Woman #3: Oh, yeah.

–Bowery

Man: So, how was Missouri?
Woman: I was in Vermont.
Man: How was Vermont?
Woman: It was okay.
Man: Was it?

–1166 6th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Chick #1: Where the fuck is Seattle?
Chick #2: Oregon.

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: Meghan

Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m in New York City… Yeah, it’s on the East coast, but it’s not really on the East coast. It’s not, like, next to water or anything.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Beach Goer

Dude: My god. I mean, everyone knows Broadway and Fifth Avenue are the same thing, and the idiot says no.

–14th & 4th

Overheard by: girl in the red coat

High school boy: So let me ask you this — how easy is it to cross over from Egypt to Mexico?

–3 train

Overheard by: Nick H

School trip escapee teen to pal: Now we can do whatever we want… We’re in Times Square!

–Outside Penn Station, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Go back to Iowa

Tourist chick to friends: LaGuardia? How the fuck did we end up at the fucking airport?

–Houston, at LaGuardia

White boy: I’d never be intimidated by the black people in Connecticut after spending a few days here.
White girl: You think the black people here are intimidating?
White boy: Like, I’d walk up to a couple black guys at home after being here and just be like, ‘Excuse me,’ if they were standing in my way.

–Lafayette & Claussen

Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Lisa

Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.

–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn

Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!

–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health

Overheard by: nooners

Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.

–Starbucks, 59th & Lex

Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!

–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th

Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?

–11th & Broadway

Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.

–Barnard dorm

Overheard by: babs standigio

Man: So, where are you from?
Woman: Boston.
Man: Oh, yeah. That’s in Chicago, right?

–2 train

Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!

–JFK