Daughter, looking at “NJ Transit” sign: Why does it say we’re in New Jersey?!
Mother: Aren’t we?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jay
Daughter, looking at “NJ Transit” sign: Why does it say we’re in New Jersey?!
Mother: Aren’t we?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jay
Guy: Yeah, he has this obsession with white weasels. It’s just very New York, you know?
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Kate
White Girl: I’m leaving this city, it’s all just bed bugs and bad drugs.
–Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Zach
Prudish waitress, to another: In New York, you just come to expect cock-on-cock, ass-on-ass talk… In DC, you don’t.
–1 Train
Student to friend: You play the paranoid freak, I will play the egomaniac. We will call it "New York".
–49th & 1st
Thug #1 to Thug #2, while observing typical, plain, Midwest vacationing family getting off a tour bus: Get back on that bus! This New York! You can’t handle this shit! [Teenage kids smile. The father, absolutely horrified, grabs the kids and throws them back on the bus.]
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Bunk Moreland
Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.
–75th & Columbus
Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.
–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave
Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.
–C Train
Overheard by: Lemuel
Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?
–JFK Bathroom
Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.
–Staten Island Perkins Diner
IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!
–915 Broadway, Manhattan
Overheard by: Sarah
Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.
–C Train
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Professor: Old people will sign anything.
–Brooklyn College
Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.
–Pratt Institute
Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: no axings!
Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.
–NYU Cantor Film Center
Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers
Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Loud girl #1: I lost my sandals at the beach!
Loud girl #2: Oh my God, now it’s probably floating somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!
–Bay Terrace Shopping Center, Queens
Overheard by: doesn’t anybody pay attention in global anymo
Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.
–42nd & 8th
Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Caitlin
Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.
–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop
Overheard by: just visiting
Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat Darcy
German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…
–Frost St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: jayloo
Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Izabela
Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: Kris S.
Guy #1: I wish I was back in Baltimore.
Guy #2: Pshhh… Maryland has crabs. Hahaha.
Old man passerby: Please! That’s the same joke everyone tells about Maryland. Get some creativity!
–Union Square
Girl: Last night we went to a party in New Jersey.
Guy: On purpose?
–Cherry Tree Bar, 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ashley friedman
