Special Collections Librarian: We have over 1,000 queer porn novels.
–Fales Library, NYU
Queer hipster on cell: Hey size nine, it’s size zero. Call me back when you get this.
–Williamsburg, Bedford Ave
Special Collections Librarian: We have over 1,000 queer porn novels.
–Fales Library, NYU
Queer hipster on cell: Hey size nine, it’s size zero. Call me back when you get this.
–Williamsburg, Bedford Ave
Man to guy trying to avoid him: Because, you see — all Republicans are Nazis. I don’t know why no one else can tell.
–67th & Broadway
Overheard by: kendra
Thug to another: Damn, nigga! That’s why the Democrats ain’t going to win the motherfuckin’ White House in 2008!
–Union Square
Overheard by: guy who’s not sure if it’s racist or not
Righteous girl: I am glad I slept with him before I found out he was a Republican.
–6 train, Uptown
Overheard by: Susan
Rollerblading twelve-year-old to friend: Sean Hannity is such a douche!
–44th and 8th
Anti-Bush crazy at anti-war stand on the street: There’s an idiot in the White House! There’s an idiot in the White House! …. Actually, he’s a monkey — we got the DNA results back!
–Outside of the Met
Man on cell: Well, they killed 3,000 people! …Nooo, not the Arabs, the Conservatives — the New York Conservatives!
–181 St & Ft. Washington, Starbucks
Overheard by: One of the teachers
Hobo: I hope I never run for office, because you people aren’t the first group I’ve said fucked-up shit to.
–F Train
Dude: Well, it would be really nice if I could sleep with your sister.
–Washington Sq South
White girl: Well, if I’m so white, why do I have an uncle named Juan?!
–Hunter College
Scandinavian-looking girl: My mama has brothers who were Nazis. That’s why we don’t talk to them anymore. Oh, and because they’re dead, too.
–Bloomingdales
Girl crying and pleading with bouncer after he took her fake ID: But I need that back! It’s my sister’s, and she’s dead!
–Union Bar, Park Ave South
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Loud black chick on cell: Yo, mom, I’m gonna fuck your daughter up!
–H&M, Herald Square
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I told her if she don’t sign it, I’m gonna dig Daddy up and set him on her porch.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Tony Jones
Woman on cell: Do we have a conscious grandmother or an unconscious grandmother? … Oh, goood!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: white_on_white
Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates.
A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough.
–The Ramble
Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus
Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map.
–The Gates
Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?
–The Gates
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Darko Vraither
Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February.
–MoMA roof
Overheard by: Michael Bracy
Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a message that says “Sweet dreams, gorgeous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Isn’t that what they say to Mafioso girlfriends before they slit their throats and throw them in the East River?
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: djlindee
Yuppie #1: …and it’s not just because she’s a chick.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yuppie #1: Totally! And it’s not because I really like to work, because I don’t.
Yuppie #2: Totally!
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Hipster: So I was walking down the street, and I saw Jesus, and then I was like, ‘Hey, how’s it going, Jesus?’
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kanad
Subway preacher: The ocean is full of water. Jesus changed water into wine. It’s all good. Michael Jackson called it ‘Jesus Juice.’
–Rockefeller Plaza subway
Overheard by: G-Lime
Queer: I replaced my imaging of Jesus as a transvestite serial killer to an image of Jesus as a militaristic terrorist…
–1 train
Queer to another: I think Jesus loves Halloween.
–23rd St, between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: adam
20-ish guy: Let me get this straight — it’s spelled like ‘Jesus,’ but it’s pronounced ‘Hey-Seuss’? That’s just weird.
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: JoBell
Bible thumper: Ladies, you may see a handsome man and think to yourself, ‘I want him to be my sugar daddy.’ Oh, yes! And he becomes your sugar daddy, and he takes you to Macy’s and he buys you a crock pot. Oh, yes! But then later he beats you with that crock pot. Oh, yes! Then you realize that it is not he who is your sugar daddy, it is really Jesus Christ who is your sugar daddy! Oh, yes!
–4 train
Girl: So, I saw this woman using her baby as a weapon, and I was like, ‘I don’t think you should be using your baby like a weapon.’
–LIRR
Overheard by: Gaby
Woman on cell with her man: Daaamn! Your baby-mama be cock-blockin’.
–F train
Girl: I don’t want AIDS, I just want his baby!
–Queens
Blue collar Yankees fan about father’s car, to friends: I never did nothing to that car… ‘cept I burned a cigarette hole in the seat. I did do that. But nothin’ else. I drove that car like a baby.
–E train
Overheard by: John G
Preggers on cell: I’m in labor right now, but it’s okay because I told the baby that they have to wait a while. I still need to eat, and I want to take my time and enjoy this meal. Any child of mine can come after.
–Ecco, Chambers St
Guy to buddy: It’s not cheating if it’s underground.
–Prince & Elizabeth
Overheard by: emilia
Man on cell: Yes, darling… I miss you, too… Can’t wait to wrap myself around you again… You are so hot… Oooh, yeah, you make me crazy… Hold on a sec, I’ve got a call coming in [looks at phone]… Shit! It’s my wife. Lemme call ya right back.
–JetBlue terminal, JFK
Overheard by: Big Larry
Crazy guy to train: Does anyone know how I can convince my wife that I won’t cheat on her?
–F train
Overheard by: tko
20-something on cell: I genuinely think we’d be a good match, except for the whole being married and cheating on his wife thing.
–49th & Rockefeller Plaza
Hispanic girl: You should send him a card that says, ‘Congratulations on marrying the girl you cheated on and dumped for me and then got back together when I dumped yo’ cheatin’ ass for someone way better.’
–6 train
Woman: When it’s a tampon, you can stick it anywhere.
–59th St
Overheard by: Rich
Woman on cell: …and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached into the toilet and squeezed it to make sure it wasn’t a baby…
–13th & Broadway
20-Something chick: My shit bled like it’s never bled before.
–Elevator, 57th & 6th
Overheard by: Matt
Mulleted queer: Imagine if Virginia Slims designed a tampon!–Bushwick, BrooklynOverheard by: ‘nuther black charlie chaplin
Creative genius: Just imagine if I had a tampon gun!
–St. Mark’s
Woman on cell: Well, you can’t just go handing out sanitary napkins to everyone!
–15th & Union Square East
Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was going for it, and I was like, “No, baby, I can’t tonight,” and he was like, “Why?” and I was like, “I got it today,” and he was like, “Aww, then nothing for a whole week!”
–CVS, 58th & 9th
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a total slut.
–39th St & 3rd Ave
NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she really is a crazy bitch. At least I’m getting a book out of it, though. I’m going to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fucking Nuts.
–Washington Square Park
Conductor: Someone has lost a bag of marbles in the cafe car. I repeat, we have a bag of marbles found in the cafe car. Has anyone lost their marbles?
–Amtrak, Penn Station
Communications & media studies professor: I don’t mean to pontificate, but this is the last day of class and I have some important advice for you — never sleep with anyone who is crazier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trouble.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Switching Departments
10-year-old boy waiting for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m insane, I’m insane, okay!
–Outside Met Food, Cortelyou Rd & E 16th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Leela
