Weirdness

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either

Freshman girl #1: Oh my god! Bread! My bread!
Freshman girl #2: Wait…what…? Oh, yeah! Bread! I love you, bread!
Freshman girl #1: Oh, bread. You're my bread.

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: pomy

Mother, to four-year-old boy who has just slapped a little girl: Why did you do that?! Give me a reason right now. I demand a reason, now!
Four-year-old boy: I have to control her.

–East Broadway

Weird-looking teen: It's Turkish turnip time again!
Friend: Word.

–79th & 3rd

Overheard by: wallflowerblonde

Neighborhood drunk: (unintelligible)
Guy: I do! I get all my toilet paper at the 99 cent store.
Neighborhood drunk: Then you're one step ahead of the game.

–5th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: wza

Hobo to four pretty girls: Hi ladies, how're you doing today?
Girls: Good, thanks, how are you?
Hobo: Just so you know, when I win my 171 million, I'm taking you all on vacation!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Redheaded hipster #1, jumping in flour: This is so Brooklyn… Why is there flour in the street?
Redheaded hipster #2: Someone probably was just like “fuck this cake,” and threw it out of their window in frustration.
Redheaded hipster #1: I mean, probably.

–Williamsburg

Cougar #1: Did you wax your asshole today?
Cougar #2: No, every other Wednesday.

–The Waverly Inn

Girl: Why do you fuck a sheep at the edge of a cliff? (waits) So the sheep pushes back.
Guy: I don't get it.
Girl: Do I have to explain sheep-fucking to you?!

–Prince & Mercer

Overheard by: Thiess

Person: So how do you get girls, Mr Lynn?
Mr Lynn: I adopt them.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Excellence