Wednesday One-Liners Find Their Niche

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

Posted on March 5, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Boys, Coworkers, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Innuendo, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Words, Yankee Stadium

You, My Friend, Have a Flair for the Perp Walk

Suit #1: Man, my wrists are still sore from those handcuffs.
Suit #2: Yeah, that was funny when they took you out of the building like that. (they laugh)

–42nd & 6th Ave

Posted on March 5, 2015
Body Parts, Crime and Punishment, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Weirdness

Should We Just Resolve This in Some Green Jello?

Chick #1: Give me your hand!
Chick #2: Give me your nipple!
Chick #1: Give me your hand!
Chick #2: Give me your nipple!

–Mott & Spring

Overheard by: Wondering what she wants the nipple for…

Posted on March 4, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Nipples, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Five Minutes Later, They Found a Supply Closet and Made Sweet Love

20-something girl: Hey! How are you? You look great! What have you been doing now that you finished school?
20-something suit: Virgins only.
20-something girl: So that means we won't be having sex again.
20-something suit: Been there, done that.

–6 Train

Posted on March 4, 2015
Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, School and studying, Sex, Suits, Virginity, Weirdness

Gosh, I Miss San Francisco

Chick: You told me this was a safe neighborhood!
Dude: It *is*! Just not safe to get naked in!

–Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 3, 2015
Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Weirdness

Which Is How New York Gets Its New Livers

(older woman falls and younger woman helps her put on her shoes)
Older woman, surprised: Oh! Wow, thank you so much!
Young lady: Yeah, well… I'm a transplant.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on March 1, 2015
Foreigners, Nice People, Old People, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

We Imagine This with a Rap Beat to It

Cabbie #1: Fuck you! Fuck you!
Cabbie #2, getting out of car: No, fuck you! You are the fucking garbage!
Random guy, leaning out window: Shut up! Shut. Up!
Cabbies: Fuck you!

–3rd Ave b/w 9th & 10th

Posted on February 27, 2015
Cabbies, Guys, Insults, Street, The Village, Weirdness

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either

Posted on February 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guidettes, Italians, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Porn, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

White Bread, but Still

Freshman girl #1: Oh my god! Bread! My bread!
Freshman girl #2: Wait…what…? Oh, yeah! Bread! I love you, bread!
Freshman girl #1: Oh, bread. You're my bread.

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: pomy

Posted on February 26, 2015
Columbia University, Food, Love, Students, Weirdness

This Way, She’ll Be Trained for Her Future Husband

Mother, to four-year-old boy who has just slapped a little girl: Why did you do that?! Give me a reason right now. I demand a reason, now!
Four-year-old boy: I have to control her.

–East Broadway

Posted on February 25, 2015
Boys, Chinatown, Default, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Punch, Questions, Weirdness, Words

Weirdness