‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.

–W 8th & Broadway

Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.

–Robert Louis Stevenson School

Overheard by: Lucas

Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.

–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.

–9th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Ingwall

Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.

–Bowery & Rivington

Posted on March 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hair, Insults, Judaism, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Wish They Could Be More Like One-Liners

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she's like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like "Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don't know how to fight."

–LIRR

Overheard by: whaaasgood

Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.

–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower

Overheard by: interns are our future

Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don't have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.

–Riverside Park

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Couples, Fashion, Guidos, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Race, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers

Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something?

–49th St Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today.

–R Train

Overheard by: Matt Giella

Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass

–41st & 7th

Overheard by: clara

Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets?

–Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!"

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Teens, Thugs, Weirdness, Words

Judaism Often Happens Without Warning in New York

Concerned woman: I just worry that the Messiah will come and I won't be Jewish yet.
Friend: Mmm…
Concerned woman: I mean, I just really hope I'm Jewish by next Yom Kippur.
Friend: Yeah.

–F Train

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 11, 2015
Friends, Judaism, On the Subway, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Meet Prince Street's Etiquette Hobo

Little boy in glasses: Excuse me! Do you have big titties?
20-something blonde: What? You shouldn't say stuff like that!
Hobo: Don't you be talkin to ladies like that! She's old enough to be your mama!

–Prince & Elizabeth

Overheard by: kma

Posted on March 11, 2015
Age/Aging, Girls, Hobos, Kids, Little Italy, Rack, Weirdness

Looking for Booty, No Doubt

Drunk girl: Excuse me… Excuse me, sir. A lady pirate in the next car just violated me. She slid her sword down my skirt, man! For real — she was a fuckin’ pirate! There’s a whole bunch of pirates in the next car!

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on March 10, 2015
Creepsters, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Girls, Lies, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Rape, Sex, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

My Favorite's “You Did This to Me!”

Beautiful woman #1: I learned to scream out lies over the phone.
Beautiful woman #2: I know what you mean.

–Columbus & 71st St

Overheard by: chocolate happy

Posted on March 10, 2015
Education, Lies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Who Says New Yorkers Aren't Friendly?

Old man: Enjoy your cancer.
Underage smoker: Thanks, man! You too!

–73rd & Columbus

Overheard by: Fish

Posted on March 8, 2015
Cancer, Old People, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage

Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gigglerocks

Posted on March 5, 2015
Balls, Brooklyn, Cum, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Weirdness, Women

Weirdness