Seven-year-old girl: What’s your name?
20-something: Uhhh, Katey. What’s yours?
Seven-year-old girl: Liz.
20-something: Okay, how old are you, Liz?
Seven-year-old girl: Seven. How old are you?
20-something: 22.
Seven-year-old girl: You’re old enough to be pregnant!
20-something: … But I’m not!
–M104 bus
Little boy pointing at St. Patrick’s Cathedral: Daddy, what is that?
Father: That’s a church. Maybe when you’re older we can go inside and look around.
Little boy: Daddy, are there rides in there?
Father: No, no rides.
–51st & 5th
Creepster #1: Man, I wish I was just a few years younger.
Creepster #2: What do you mean?
Creepster #1: She was totally under 18, and a few years younger and I wouldn’t be arrested for sleeping with her.
Creepster #2: Oh, that shit doesn’t bother me. High school, junior high — hell, I wouldn’t even care if she was in elementary school.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Creighton
Old woman laughing for no apparent reason: We seem like we’re on something!
–52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants
Chick: He’s not a stalker, he’s just this old guy who follows me home.
–Fried Dumpling
Very old lady to another: Last time you fell down it cost 10 thousand dollars.
–Central Park
Teen guy to two pals: Think about an 80-year-old woman. How many dicks has she seen in her lifetime? A lot.
–Ground Zero
Old woman to car with right of way turning into intersection: Just keep driving, you fucking maniac! It’s fucking Christmas, you bastard!
–54th & 3rd
Overheard by: cordy
Woman outside stall: I’m throwing my dad a birthday party because he’s turning 90 and he’s not dead yet.
–Restroom, Jane restaurant, W Houston, between LaGuardia & Thompson
Overheard by: Colleen!
Old lady, about old guy with walker: We’ll be going to that funeral soon.
–West Way Cafe
Overheard by: EmilyPicard
Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!
–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island
NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jatmos
Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!
–12th & 3rd
20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?
–Lincoln Center
Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.
–Union Square
Overheard by: that guy
Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!
–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square
Overheard by: Eskimo Child
Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.
–E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Raven
Gleeful girl to friend: Hey, do you like child trafficking?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: NYCtrippedmyconscience
Hobo sitting on ground cleaning a trumpet, to hot lady passerby: Hey, don’t fucking look at me — I’m too old for you!
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Outlaw
20-ish chick on cell: I only fucked that scum-sucking man-whore because my ex was fucking an 18-year-old.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teacher with group of kids on field trip: It’s so hard to find a tall, skinny senior boy.
–C train
Overheard by: ej
Teen girl: Yeah, Renata can totally pull off pedophilia.
–C train
Overheard by: sarah
Crazy-haired woman: There’s lots of elderly people around here.
Lady: Well, it’s life.
Crazy-haired woman: Yes, but specifically in the San Fernando Valley.
Lady: Mmm-hmmm.
Crazy-haired woman: Where are you from?
Lady: New York.
Crazy-haired woman: You must be Jewish or Italian — which?
Lady: I’m Jewish.
Crazy-haired woman: Oh, the best people and the best meat.
Lady: Excuse me?
Crazy-haired woman: The Jews — they’re the best people and the best meat.
–Pharmacy
Guy: Can I get some cigars?
Attendant: Yeah, are you over 18?
Guy: Yeah.
Attendant: That’s cool. I’m only 17. I’m just really high.
–Soho
Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!
–M1bus near Wall St
Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon
Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…
–91st & Broadway
Overheard by: Carol Elk
Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.
–47th & 9th
Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!
–8th St & Hudson
Overheard by: Laughing Goy
Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!
–20th & Park
Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…
–F train
Overheard by: LaLa
Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peter L
Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.
–Christopher & 7th
Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!
–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn
Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?
–6 train
Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!
–Victoria’s Secret dressing room
20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!
–56th & 9th
