30-ish woman #1: I really didn’t know what a blowjob was ’til I was, like, really old.
30-ish woman #2: You mean until you actually had it in your mouth?
–Cobble Hill
30-ish woman #1: I really didn’t know what a blowjob was ’til I was, like, really old.
30-ish woman #2: You mean until you actually had it in your mouth?
–Cobble Hill
45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.
–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St
Headline by: Snark Sloper
Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl
Thug #1: We don’t even go to the movies or nothin’. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin’.
Thug #2: That’s where it’s at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li’l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin’ serious. That li’l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
–Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· “…And “To Catch A Predator”” – Stuck in the MidWest
· “He Comes Over for Some Pipin’ Too.” – Courtney
· “I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth.” – Snark Sloper
· “That Li’l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li’l Nigga Gots None.” – johnnyb
· “The Nucular Family” – Bill
· “The Waltons, 2007” – G’night, John Boy
Old lady hoochie with buck teeth, on cell: I have no fucking idea what I did between August and yesterday…
–183rd & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Old man: Sex has changed since I last had it.
–14th & 7th
Irritated old fart: If we end up on Eighth Avenue, it’ll be a tragedy!
–C train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Emily B.
Old man: What do they smoke up here?
–116th & Broadway
JAP #1: When I grow up I want to be purple.
JAP #2: What? I’m putting that on Facebook!
JAP #1: Why? I was just talking to myself… Fuck, I was talking to myself.
–82nd & Lex
10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.
–1 train
Overheard by: D. J.
Mom: Daniel, it’s time you started opening doors for me.
Son: Um… okay.
Mom: Well? [Gestures at doors.]Son: Oh! I thought you meant metaphorically…
–W 111th St
Overheard by: Talker’s Remorse
Headline by: Arliss Travers
Runners-Up:
· “…like When We Played Doctor.” – mike chmiel
· “Just Like Your Allowance” – nobody
· “No, I Meant Vaginally” – DanaLishs
· “Sorry, My Oedipus Complex Doesn’t Kick in for Another Year or Two.” – Andrew G
· “Thalidomide or No, You Work That Flipper Young Man” – bobofthejungle
· “The Birds and the Bees Talk Really Confused Me….” – Breanne S.
· “You Know, Like When You Tell Dad the Garden Needs Watering” – Jonty
Old, disgruntled customer: I wish I was young again.
Cashier: Do you believe in reincarnation? You could just kill yourself.
–Deli, Lex Ave, between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki
Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!
–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Old guy: Oh, look at this doggie. Who is this?
Cute girl: This is Nola.
Old guy: Lola?
Cute girl: Nola.
Old guy: Lola?
Cute girl: Nola with an N.
Old guy: M-and-M’s?
Cute girl: Nola.
Old guy, singing: Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl…
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: glad i’m not old
