Old lady hoochie with buck teeth, on cell: I have no fucking idea what I did between August and yesterday…
–183rd & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Old man: Sex has changed since I last had it.
–14th & 7th
Irritated old fart: If we end up on Eighth Avenue, it’ll be a tragedy!
–C train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Emily B.
Old man: What do they smoke up here?
–116th & Broadway
JAP #1: When I grow up I want to be purple.
JAP #2: What? I’m putting that on Facebook!
JAP #1: Why? I was just talking to myself… Fuck, I was talking to myself.
–82nd & Lex
10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.
–1 train
Overheard by: D. J.
Mom: Daniel, it’s time you started opening doors for me.
Son: Um… okay.
Mom: Well? [Gestures at doors.]Son: Oh! I thought you meant metaphorically…
–W 111th St
Overheard by: Talker’s Remorse
Headline by: Arliss Travers
Runners-Up:
· “…like When We Played Doctor.” – mike chmiel
· “Just Like Your Allowance” – nobody
· “No, I Meant Vaginally” – DanaLishs
· “Sorry, My Oedipus Complex Doesn’t Kick in for Another Year or Two.” – Andrew G
· “Thalidomide or No, You Work That Flipper Young Man” – bobofthejungle
· “The Birds and the Bees Talk Really Confused Me….” – Breanne S.
· “You Know, Like When You Tell Dad the Garden Needs Watering” – Jonty
Old, disgruntled customer: I wish I was young again.
Cashier: Do you believe in reincarnation? You could just kill yourself.
–Deli, Lex Ave, between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki
Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!
–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Old guy: Oh, look at this doggie. Who is this?
Cute girl: This is Nola.
Old guy: Lola?
Cute girl: Nola.
Old guy: Lola?
Cute girl: Nola with an N.
Old guy: M-and-M’s?
Cute girl: Nola.
Old guy, singing: Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl…
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: glad i’m not old
Old lady looking at Underworld: Man, that Kate Beckinsale is really hot. I would so do her.
–Public Library
Overheard by: Robyn
Old lady: No, man, I ain’t doin’ no E! I ain’t done no E in years!
–86th & Lex
Old lady with cane grumbling to self about jaywalker: Did you see that? He almost got hit by that cab. Too bad — he deserved to die!
–Outside Sarge’s, 36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Goofa Sutra Yogini
Old man: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… Pie.
–Brighton Beach
Old black lady on pay phone: ‘Do me up the butt’? No, no, honey. That is not the proper way to address a girl.
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: davees
Old man: What we need in America is more nappy-headed black women on television. That’s what we need to fight for.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Holly Kaye
Suit #1: Man, I’m so old. I have two white hairs now.
Suit #2: Aw, man.
Suit #1: I know. I mean, before I had only one white hair, but two — that totally changes everything.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Miranda
Girl #1: What do you mean I’m ‘the cutest thing ever’? I’m 21! What am I, a puppy?!
Girl #2: All I meant was you wear colorful clothes and smile a lot!
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Abram
