Flight attendant: Of course, folks, I’m here to help you, so if you want anything just grab a hold of me as I walk by and I’ll do my best to help you in any way I can.
Captain: And make sure you grab a tight hold, ladies and gents — he’s a wily one.
–JFK
Impatient, middle-aged Caribbean woman in bathroom line: There should be more women’s rooms.
Equally impatient 20-ish woman: Yeah, I know… It’s because men designed these buildings.
–JFK
Overheard by: Nina
Old Turk #1: Hello!
Old Turk #2: How are you?
Old Turk #1: Where have I seen you before?
Old Turk #2: I don’t know!
–Kennedy International Airport
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?
–JFK
Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip
Headline by: Miss Edith
Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa
· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza
TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?
TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different.
–JFK
White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Sister: What’s with all the celebs trying to adopt kids from every different country in the world?
Brother: I don’t know. It’s getting old already — it’s almost like they are doing it because it’s the ‘in’ thing to do. It’s ridiculous… I mean, take Oprah, for instance — she builds schools and homes for them and leaves them in their natural habitat. I think it’s better that way.
–Flight to NYC
Big black woman #1: I shouldn’a ate all them bags of party mix. I shoulda got me some low fat snack instead.
Big black woman #2: Why you say that?
Big black woman #1: ‘Cause I took my damn shoes off an’ now I cain’t get ’em back on! My feet’s all swelled up from the party mix.
Big black woman #2: Girl, why you wear such tight shoes? I’m wearin’ sandals.
Big black woman #1: Sandals? Who the fuck wears sandals when it’s all snowy and icy and shit?
Big black woman #2: Someone who can get their damn shoes back on after eatin’ all that party mix, that’s who.
–JetBlue flight 806 to JFK
Overheard by: Big Larry
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
