Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do?
–LaGuardia Airport
Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do?
–LaGuardia Airport
Girl #1: Oh my god, I can't wait to get home and take a shower… I feel so disgusting right now!
Girl #2: You feel disgusting!? I'm not even wearing panties right now, because I fucked some random guy in the bathroom at the bar last night, and my panties fell in a puddle of piss. I definitely need a shower!
–LGA Airport Taxi Line
Overheard by: Joe
Man: Hey, is that postcard in 3D?
Woman: Nope. It's just normal d.
–JFK
Black girl, to her brother while boarding plane: C’mon y’all, our seats are in the back of the plane, go to the back.
Brother: Yea, back a’ tha bus, back of the fucking bus.
–Boarding Plane, La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: BDOG
Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity
Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded library dweller
Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.
–L train, 3rd Ave stop
Overheard by: katiebeans
Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.
–56th & 5th
15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: gutterlush
Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’
–JFK
Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty
Black security guard: Hello, and welcome to Urban Outfitters. Break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down…
–Urban Outfitters, 6th Ave
Security guy to woman whose bag is in the machine: Lady, there is something Batman-shaped in your bag. Do you have Batman in your bag? Are you aware that you are not allowed to take American heroes out of the country?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Susan
Big security guard: Put your IDs in the air! … And wave ’em around like you just don’t care!
–NYU SIlver Building
Security guard, into walkie talkie: Ice, get your balls out of your wife’s purse, and kick that guy out!
–Music Hall of Williamsburg, Jonathan Richman concert
Overheard by: j-bones
Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?
–33rd & Broadway
Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!
–96th & Broadway
Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.
–Central Park
Overheard by: birdw0rks
Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: Sternie
Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.
–Essex Restaurant, LES
Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: jaybrrd
Voice over intercom: This is Delta Airlines flight number 1-2-3-4* paging passenger Eric Ansen*. Would you please report to gate D-7? The captain would like to depart. Thank you.
–LaGuardia
Over the intercom: We’d like to welcome you to Atlanta’s Hartsfield International Airport–.
[Voice cuts out, then back in.] We’d like to welcome you to New York’s LaGuardia International Airport…
–Flight from Atlanta, LaGuardia
Pilot: Like any pilot, I like to hear myself talk… All you’re hearing now is ‘Blah, blah, blah.’
–Delta flight, JFK
Overheard by: Lalaith
Pilot: We’re now ready for departure. Flight attendants, please restrain yourselves.
–JFK
Overheard by: Chuckles
Stewardess, sounding surprised during landing: Great job, honey.
–JFK
Flight attendant: Of course, folks, I’m here to help you, so if you want anything just grab a hold of me as I walk by and I’ll do my best to help you in any way I can.
Captain: And make sure you grab a tight hold, ladies and gents — he’s a wily one.
–JFK
Impatient, middle-aged Caribbean woman in bathroom line: There should be more women’s rooms.
Equally impatient 20-ish woman: Yeah, I know… It’s because men designed these buildings.
–JFK
Overheard by: Nina
