Beauty

To Say Nothing of Your Buck Teeth and Peg Leg

Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.

–5th & 5th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Andrea

Headline by: Gimpy

Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

For Thousands of Years

Thug: Damn, girl! What, you got some Irish blood in you?
Girl: Um, no…
Thug: Then what kind you got?
Girl: I’m Jewish.
Thug: Them Jews got it goin’ on!

–14th & 9th

Just Natural Selection Doing Its Job

Rider #1: I see so many girls I want to have sex with when I ride.
Rider #2: That’s because everyone out here is athletic.
Rider #1: Yeah!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jeremy Willinger

From The Girls Next Door Outtakes

Guy: Daaamn, you da prettiest girl I seen all month. Come over here an’ talk to me.
Chick: Oh?
Guy: Shit, I’ma call you ‘Miss September.’

–151 Amsterdam

Overheard by: craps under my window

Not As Upsetting As You Keeping the Word “Fugly” Alive

Drunk guy #1: That’s not even right, man. That girl is too hot to be standing next to that fugly woman.
Drunk guy #2: Excuse me, ma’am, could you move a few steps to the left? You’re upsetting my friend.

–7 train

Overheard by: David Moss

So the Dog Show Went Well, Then?

Female student: He couldn’t keep his eyes off of me.
Friend: Yeah?
Female student: Yeah, if I had said, ‘Jump,’ he would’ve said, ‘How high?’ That’s how fucking hot I was last night.

–Union Square

Overheard by: billy

I May Need to Report You to Homeland Security

Teen girl #1: I think Johnny Depp is so super hot! With all his dirty, disgusting hair in Pirates… Mmmm, so hot.
Teen girl #2: I don’t get it. I seem to be the only person who doesn’t find him cute.
Teen girl #1, very serious: I’ve never met anybody quite like you.

–R train

Overheard by: Jen

So Anyway, We’re Expecting Our First Child in June. Yuck.

Girl: … So then he was like, ‘Do you think I’m hot?’ and I was thinking, ‘Ewww,’ but instead I was like, ‘You’re cute,’ and he was like, ‘Yeah, I like you, too. You have a nice ass,’ and I was all, ‘Ewww!’
Friend: Oh, yeah! Like, the same thing happened to me!

–Queens College

And What’s More Attractive Than Dumb?

Little girl: What happened to your glasses?
Little boy: I lost them in my room.
Little girl: That’s dumb of you… But you look much more attractive without them.
Little boy: Thanks!

–Starbucks, 85th & 1st

Overheard by: Micaela

Not on a Full Stomach

Law gal #1: This is more pointless than giving a butt-ugly girl a nice haircut.
Law gal #2: Hey, a nice haircut helps.
Law gal #1: Have you looked at me lately?

–NYU Law Courtyard

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist