Bimbettes

Says the Boy Who Was in a Bondage Video with Kobe Bryant!

Chick: So, Jerry Springer was in my office today, and I overheard him telling the guy he was talking to on the phone that I was attractive.
Queer: Wow. I hate you. In the best way possible. I hate you.
Chick: Why? Because he’s my new boyfriend?
Queer: Because one of the coolest sketchy famous people in the world called you attractive in a remarkably sketchy way. If I ever have to talk you off a self-esteem ledge again, I’m tagging out and killing myself.

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Gays and their Hags, on the next Springer!

My Anti-Drug? Being a Retard

Girl #1: For our next trip, my parents want to go on a cruise to Alaska.
Girl #2: Oh my god, no! Haven’t you seen the Titanic?
Girl #1: I know, right? Plus, it’s cold. I mean look at March of the Penguins. They die there.

–F train

Queer: So some stranger just approached me and asked me to fuck her and her husband on Staten Island…Wait, it was Ellis Island. Yeah, she wanted me to fuck with the Statue of Liberty.
Hag: Oh, that’s too bad. Staten Island is nice.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Tina L.

His Dream Is to Fuck a Brain in a Jar / Stephen Hawking

Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.

–11th & University

Overheard by: Maggie

So: It’s Okay to Be a Whore, but You Have to Go to Another Country. Questions?

Bimbette #1: Cancun is just a place for girls to go to on Spring break and be the whores that they really are.
Bimbette #2: Oh my God, I know! We should go there next year!
Bimbette #1: Totally!

–45th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Twiggy

Somehow Osama Remains At Large

Chick #1: I think Moron Titty is a great code name. Like, if you go into the CIA? I think you should be Agent Moron Titty.
Chick #2: Yeah, my nipples have an I.Q. of, like, 75.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: djlindee

So Now She’s Skinnier Than Me!

Tiny gym bunny: I’ve had a really hard past couple of years…
Gym guy: Really?
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, last year my mom got breast cancer…
Gym guy: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, and to top it off, I got fat!
Gym guy: Pardon?

–Crunch Gym, 13th & Broadway

Terrified of Old Men Screaming Profanities

Girl #1: He really scares me.
Girl #2: He’s the Pope! That’s totally sacrilege.
Girl #1: I know, but he has Tourette’s or something.
Girl #2: Or the flu.
Girl #1: Whatever.

–6 train

Wednesday One-Liners Are Brimming with Consumer Confidence

Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too.

–NYU computer lab

Overheard by: Cpt. Kate

Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done.

–Fordham University RamVan

Overheard by: wishmewell

Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress.

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel

Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall.

–23rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Not a Texan

Tourist bimbo: What mall is this?

–Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: Russ Wall

The Puddles of Battery Acid Totally Sterilize It

Bimbette #1: Some people take roadkill and mount it on their walls.
Bimbette #2: Some people eat roadkill, too. They just take it off the street and cook it.
Bimbette #1: Oh… I don’t know if that’s really clean, though.
Bimbette #2: Well, it only got hit by a car. It didn’t get, like, whatever. It can’t be that dirty.
Bimbette #1: Oh, true.

–Dorm elevator, 3rd Ave N, NYU

Overheard by: freckles

Then I Could Tell My Mom I Have a Job

Girl #1: One of the best things our country could do right now is legalize prostitution.
Girl #2: Really? One of the best?

–Outside Magnolia Bakery, 11th & Bleecker

Overheard by: cupcake fan

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