Hipster Chick: So she’s the heiress to like–what, K-mart or some shit?–and she can’t afford to buy us all drinks? Fuck her!
–D Train
Hipster Chick: So she’s the heiress to like–what, K-mart or some shit?–and she can’t afford to buy us all drinks? Fuck her!
–D Train
Woman, as train stops: Mmm-mm… Excuse you!
Younger man: Huh?
Woman: You cut in front of me.
Younger man: How did I cut in front of you? You get up, and the people closer to the door go first. Like on a plane.
Woman: You cut in front of me, and a gentleman never cuts in front of a lady.
Younger man: Right. And a lady doesn't go “mmm-mm… Excuse you!”
–Grand Central Platform
Obnoxious girl: I want the meat closer to the bread.
(employee tries four different configurations trying to figure out what girl wants)
Obnoxious girl: No, I want the meat closer to the bread.
(worker pulls out some of the center of the bread)
Obnoxious girl: Now that you have mangled it, I want new bread.
–Subway, 110th St & Lenox
Queen #1: What the fuck, girl, did you not look in the mirror before walkin' out da house? Those shoes do not match that shirt!
Queen #2, with sass: You obviously did look in the mirror, because that shirt (points at dark yellow shirt) matches your teeth perfectly.
–F Train
Latina mother to Asian man, quickly and in Spanish: I'm going to 82nd Street, do I have to get off to switch to a local train?
Asian man: What?
Latina mother, astonished and in perfect English: You don't speak Spanish?
–7 Train
Floozy #1, at fancy restaurant: I don't know if I can date him. Some of his dance moves were just not what I would call “heterosexual.”
Floozy #2: Yeeeeah, but it's really hard to dance heterosexually to house music.
–Monkey Bar, Midtown East
Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don't want any of that.
–Penn Station
Slutty girl to friend: It's better that I get tested, right? Rather than just waiting to fuck someone and having them tell me?
Friend: Yeah, probably.
–Elevator, 4th Ave
Overheard by: oh really…
Bro #1: What I'm saying is that you're the asshole. You tagged him as herpes whore, and the joke was about him getting it from you.
Hoe #1: That is bullshit, I've never had a cold sore in my life!
Bro #2: Well, you might soon, because I do have herpes.
–Fordham University
Emo band boy to groupie hooking up with another band member: Ew! Gross guys, you guys are right next to me!
Groupie: You wanna join?
Emo band boy: So… then you two aren't exclusive?
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: NotAGroupie
