White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Black woman: Bitch, stop barking. I’ll beat your ass! Say ‘my mother’ one more time, I’ll come over there and beat your ass, cracker!
White woman: Who says ‘cracker’ anymore?
–4 train
White nerd in monotone: Look, just because I’m a motherfucking P-I-M-P does not give you the right to kiss up on my women.
Black guy: Fool, don’t be trippin’! You ain’t got but one woman, and she’s fat.
–45th & 9th
Fat, drunk black chick: Fuck that shit! I gotta go, and I will pee on this train!
Sister: Stop. I’m not playing, sit down.
Fat, drunk black chick: Say I won’t, Teesha, say I won’t! I will piss on this train!
Sister: Stop, you’re bothering people. Just sit down. I swear to God, I swear I’ll get off.
Fat, drunk black chick: Then I will pee on the platform. Nah, nah, I’m gonna pee on this train! Say I won’t!
Sister: You’re bothering people.
Fat, drunk black chick: White people?! I don’t care about white people! You know what they did? Fuck them — they diseased our country. They brought us HIV! TB! All that shit! They need to go back on their boats! I will pee on this train! Then we’ll see who’s diseased!
–A train, between 145th & 34th
Old black man #1: I’m gonna go get a Post.
Old black man #2: A brotha reading the Post? Oh, man…
Old black man #1: Man, it’s only 25 cents. And it’s got page six!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jill
Headline by: Dave
Runners-Up:
· “Hahaha…wait…black people? READING?” – pants
· “I always sleep under that one” – Mike B
· “Judge me not by the color of my skin but by the content of my paper” – nyinsf
· “That’s the quilted page” – N. A. Cargo
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’
–6 train
Overheard by: SilentButDeadly
Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: vm
30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!
–34th & 5th
Overheard by: hungry dog
Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.
–Bus, Broadway
Overheard by: lora
Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Baron
Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?
–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway
Overheard by: Jamie
Little boy: The pigeon knows no fear.
–Central Park
Outraged 20-something to friend: He’s the one who told me to put the duck in the eulogy!
–Columbus Circle
Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s so hot outside I could cook a turkey between my legs!
–Outside Fordham University
Overheard by: Sharon
Extremely flamboyant black guy: I threw my corn, but I ain’t throw no chicken! Okay?
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: waste not, want not
Little girl: Mommy, I just saw two pigeons dancing together!
–M66 bus
Guy: Is that a baby or a chicken?!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: emily
Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.
Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]
–N train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!
White office guy: When somebody says ‘nigga,’ how do you know if they’re saying ‘nigga’ or ‘nigger’?
Black office guy: That’s easy — ‘nigger’ is followed by an ass-whoopin’.
–Restaurant, Park Ave South
Overheard by: Big Larry
