Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’
–6 train
Overheard by: SilentButDeadly
Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: vm
30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!
–34th & 5th
Overheard by: hungry dog
Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.
–Bus, Broadway
Overheard by: lora
Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Baron
Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?
–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway
Overheard by: Jamie
Little boy: The pigeon knows no fear.
–Central Park
Outraged 20-something to friend: He’s the one who told me to put the duck in the eulogy!
–Columbus Circle
Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s so hot outside I could cook a turkey between my legs!
–Outside Fordham University
Overheard by: Sharon
Extremely flamboyant black guy: I threw my corn, but I ain’t throw no chicken! Okay?
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: waste not, want not
Little girl: Mommy, I just saw two pigeons dancing together!
–M66 bus
Guy: Is that a baby or a chicken?!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: emily
Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.
Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]
–N train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!
White office guy: When somebody says ‘nigga,’ how do you know if they’re saying ‘nigga’ or ‘nigger’?
Black office guy: That’s easy — ‘nigger’ is followed by an ass-whoopin’.
–Restaurant, Park Ave South
Overheard by: Big Larry
Middle-aged black dude #1: I wanted to take Shaquan for the weekend, and you know what that bitch told me? She said she was taking him to his grandmother’s house!
Middle-aged black dude #2: Man, what’s with that woman? She don’t let you see your kids!
Middle-aged black dude #1: His grandmother don’t need to see him. She’s too old to see, anyway! I ain’t seen Shaquan since Ju-ly! That’s fucked up. I should kill that bitch.
Old Asian lady walks through the train selling noisemakers and batteries.
Middle-aged black dude #1: And why is it when I’m selling bootleg DVDs in a primarily black neighborhood, all the police see is me? When I’m around all black people! But don’t nobody say nothin’ when this Asian chick sells this junk. Then I’m in jail and this bitch is selling. Then they tell me, ‘You can’t get out until you pay.’ How I’ma make money if I’m in jail, fool?
Middle-aged black dude #2: Heh heh heh. Right, right. But fo’ real, though, you should kill that bitch!
Middle-aged black dude #1: For real. I should. Shit’s fucked up. I don’t care about her pussy — I can get another pussy. ‘Scuse my language. No offense, ladies. I can get another bitch to fuck, but that’s my kid! I’ma kill that bitch. I’ma chop her up! I used to be a butcher, man. I’ma chop her up. Make bitch soup! And sell it to the homeless.
–A train
Overheard by: Melody SW
Guy with long dreadlocks: Why you keep bothering me, man? Why can’t you just go away?
Guy with short dreadlocks: Why don’t you tell your mama to go away?
Guy with long dreadlocks: Awww, man, why you gotta bring my mama into this?! [To woman in ticket booth] Hey, lady! Woman! Call the law, man!
Woman in ticket booth: Excuse me?
Guy with long dreadlocks: The law, man! Call the law!
–In front of ticket machines, Union Station
Overheard by: didn’t want to get involved
Mom: So, is Alex Rodriguez black or Hispanic?
Boy: He’s married.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Bobby
Big black woman #1: I shouldn’a ate all them bags of party mix. I shoulda got me some low fat snack instead.
Big black woman #2: Why you say that?
Big black woman #1: ‘Cause I took my damn shoes off an’ now I cain’t get ’em back on! My feet’s all swelled up from the party mix.
Big black woman #2: Girl, why you wear such tight shoes? I’m wearin’ sandals.
Big black woman #1: Sandals? Who the fuck wears sandals when it’s all snowy and icy and shit?
Big black woman #2: Someone who can get their damn shoes back on after eatin’ all that party mix, that’s who.
–JetBlue flight 806 to JFK
Overheard by: Big Larry
White teen: You’ve got a fat ass.
Black teen: Well, your ass has a stupid, scrawny bitch stuck to it.
–Times Square
