Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary.
–Bed-Stuy
Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary.
–Bed-Stuy
White Trash Lady: I don’t want to be hit with overdraft charges.
White Trash Guy: You can’t overdraft. They know you better than that.
White Trash Lady: I can do it. I don’t know how I do but I do it.
–Independence Bank, Bensonhurst
A woman is throwing up on the street. Another woman comes to her aid.
Florence Nightingale: Are you OK?
Pukerella: No, that’s OK. I just got somethin’ stuck in my throat.
–Teachers College, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Derek Bacharach
Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.
–Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Yuppie: Democracy only works when you work to make the laws you want happen. Have you ever worked to get a law passed?
Hipster: Yes, I have, as a matter of fact!
Yuppie: Okay. What issue was it, and what did you do?
Hipster: Give me some time to think about it, I’m sure that I once did something but I don’t remember it this second.
— Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Screaming Black woman: Don’t you raise a knife to me! Don’t threaten me! That is not professional service! Don’t you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You’re just lucky that there isn’t a black man in here.
–To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.
–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st
Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!
–Flatbush
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit.
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
American woman: Don’t push me. I saw you trying to get ahead of me!
Russian woman: What you talking about? I did not.
American woman: You did, too! You’re all the same, so goddamn pushy.
Russian woman: What, what you think I am? Look at me! What you think I am? What I look like to you?
American woman: Well, I’d say you look like a fat big mouthed bleach blonde bitch whore!
Russian woman: What? I get my husband on you!
American woman: Go ahead! I’m sure he’s home and not working. You’re all here for a free handout!
The Russian woman storms out to find her husband.
American woman: What did she want? She asked what do I look like so I told her. I was only being honest!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
