Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.
–Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.
–Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Yuppie: Democracy only works when you work to make the laws you want happen. Have you ever worked to get a law passed?
Hipster: Yes, I have, as a matter of fact!
Yuppie: Okay. What issue was it, and what did you do?
Hipster: Give me some time to think about it, I’m sure that I once did something but I don’t remember it this second.
— Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Screaming Black woman: Don’t you raise a knife to me! Don’t threaten me! That is not professional service! Don’t you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You’re just lucky that there isn’t a black man in here.
–To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.
–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st
Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!
–Flatbush
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit.
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
American woman: Don’t push me. I saw you trying to get ahead of me!
Russian woman: What you talking about? I did not.
American woman: You did, too! You’re all the same, so goddamn pushy.
Russian woman: What, what you think I am? Look at me! What you think I am? What I look like to you?
American woman: Well, I’d say you look like a fat big mouthed bleach blonde bitch whore!
Russian woman: What? I get my husband on you!
American woman: Go ahead! I’m sure he’s home and not working. You’re all here for a free handout!
The Russian woman storms out to find her husband.
American woman: What did she want? She asked what do I look like so I told her. I was only being honest!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.
–Times Square
Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?
–38th & 2nd
Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.
–7th St & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: NYCQ
Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.
–42nd St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Matthew
Brooklyn mom: You are the only kid I have ever met who doesn't like goat cheese.
Nine-year-old: Peanut butter!
–Brooklyn Heights
Automated announcement: Bus operators are protected by New York state law. Assaulting a bus operator is a felony.
Guy sitting behind bus operator, loud: Hooray!
Bus operator: Scaring me is a misdemeanor.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
