Old Coot: String beans.
Employee: How about green beans?
Old Coot: No, string beans!
Employee: I don’t see them!
Old Coot: You’ll find it.
Employee: You have to get string beans, you can’t get regular beans?
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Old Coot: String beans.
Employee: How about green beans?
Old Coot: No, string beans!
Employee: I don’t see them!
Old Coot: You’ll find it.
Employee: You have to get string beans, you can’t get regular beans?
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
German tourist: You can’t smoke inside and you can’t drink outside. What the hell do you people do in New York City?
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Christopher
Woman #1: That bad, huh?
Woman #2: And he stutters. I just want to smack him over the head. Spit it out!
–Bensonhurst
Teen: So this is what women mean when they complain about wearing diapers.
–Bed-Stuy
20-something Intellectual: Facts are such a distraction from the essence of what’s really happening.
–Private Party, Brooklyn
A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.
Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.
–Bensonhurst
Hipster: I went to a Polish beauty pageant last night in Brooklyn. It totally blew my brains apart.
–Williamsburg
Puerto Rican Teenager #1 in Williamsburg: “Hey, calling someone else gay means that you’re gay!”
Puerto Rican Teenager #2: “Are you calling me gay? ARE YOU CALLING ME GAY? I’m not gay! Bring any woman out here right now, and I will fuck her in front of you all, in front of the world. Anyone. Do it, right now! I will show the whole world that I am not gay! Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I AM NOT GAY!”
Hipster screamed out: “Michael Bloomberg has electricity now!”
