Wednesday Gettin'-None Liners

Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: LisaLisa

Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.

–W Broadway & Thomas

Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on August 15, 2014
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Death, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Fag Hags, Friends, Guys, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Sex, Teachers/Professors, Time, Virginity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Indignant, They Called the Humane Society

Dude #1: Yo, son! Son! Look at that horse!
Dude #2: Nah, I don’t like horses much.
Dude #1: No, son! Son! Look at what’s on the horse. Damn.
Dude #2: Damn! Mama Mia! That ass is bigger than the horse’s!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Lizzie-loo

Posted on August 13, 2014
Ass, Brooklyn, Guys

The Conversational Equivalent of the “I'm With Stupid —>” Shirt

Staten Island chick to friend: Remember when we got off at this stop because some guy lied to us and told us we were in Brooklyn?
Uninterested friend to random guy next to her: I like your shoes.

–Brooklyn Bound 4 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Posted on August 13, 2014
Brooklyn, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Shoes, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Like the Moon

Overweight geeky lunatic protester: The perpetual battery will last longer than any of us! The perpetual battery is the answer to all of our energy problems! It will draw its power from the very vacuum of space!

–Union Square South

Overheard by: Percival

Crazy old guy with beard and hat with lots of buttons: Where is the moon? Where is the moon, where is the galaxy? Have you ever seen Men in Black? It's all about the galaxy. The earth is beneath Columbus Circle. The moon is at 64th and Central Park West. If you had to suspend reality, how would you do it?

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Professor: Has anybody ever seen a solar eclipse? Anybody, anybody? (silence) No? Well, maybe we were all inside on Facebook when it happened…

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Andrea

Visiting professor, explaining "word salad": Cream cheese to the moon mother, fuckers!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Obviously sober guy: I know Vikings eat ham, but what about Saturn?

–Rotating Cube Sculpture, Astor Place

Blonde: You cannot eat in space! It sucks you in.

–Union Square

Crazy bag man with hat full of buttons: Where's the moon, where's the moon? If the globe on Columbus Cirlce is the earth, the moon is on 63rd Street West. That is a test of spatial ree-al-uh-tee. How well did you do?

–Uptown 3 Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Posted on August 12, 2014
Activists, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Crazy, Facebook, Fat People, Food, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Movies, Nerds, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Science, Staten Island, Students, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

The Times Gets Bored With Real News

Kid: I was in the newspaper yesterday.
Nanny: You were? Why were you in the newspaper?
Kid: Daddy told the New York Times that I like the way the subway smells.

–Montague & Court

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on August 10, 2014
Brooklyn, Girls, Kids, News, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

K.d. Langsday One-Liners

Chatty woman: There were two lesbians, or transsexuals, or whatever you call it…

–26th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Crazy shouting hobo: Lesbians are rapists! Lesbians are rapists! You stick your tongue in a pussy, you're a rapist! Rapist lesbians! Lesbians are rapists!

–E Train

Woman on cell: Of course I thought she was a lesbian! She walked like a dude!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Laura

Middle aged woman to male on train, in one breath: Scientists say that in 2012 the sun will line up with the milky way and change the axle on the earth and you know it is hard to be a black lesbian cause most of these women just get tired of men and have sex with a woman but that doesn't mean they are bisexual just because they have sex with men and women and they ain't really lesbians they just think they are cause they have sex with women…

–D Train

Overheard by: thomas

Normal-looking girl to girlfriends: Do you know how many woman hit on me when I was in San Francisco?

–Bedford & 6th

Man on street: Does anybody need a lesbian lover? Because I'll get a sex change…

–79th St & Broadway