Wednesday One-Liners… The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Joel

Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.

–5th Ave Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Dude Santa

Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.

–L Train

Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!

–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street

Overheard by: Amused Bookseller

Posted on August 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Questions, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Enjoy Your Savior!

Hasidic girl, after borrowing non-hasidic girl's phone: Thank you so much! What's your name?
Non-hasidic girl: Ann.
Hasidic girl: Ann… You're Jewish, no?
Non-hasidic girl: No.
Hasidic girl: Really?
Non-hasidic girl, slightly annoyed: Really.
Hasidic girl: Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway.

–Kingston & Empire

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Jews, Judaism, Names, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Good Thing Shachi's Delivers

Dude #1: How much energy could you create yourself, powering a small turbine? Like, if you jumped on a bicycle?
Dude #2: Enough to turn on a light bulb.
Dude #3: But you have to use up energy to create energy. Like, your body would use food energy. It's just not energy-efficient.

–Restaurant, Brooklyn

Posted on August 29, 2014
Brooklyn, Food, Guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences

Poserday One-Liners

Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: haxromana

Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.

–Troutman & Evergreen

Overheard by: Kristen

Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.

–6 Train

Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.

–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chelce

Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on August 26, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Mr Keebler Finally Hit His Growth Spurt

Little Spanish kid: Hey you big cracker!
Tall White guy: Oh, hey.

–Troutman & Irving, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on August 25, 2014
Brooklyn, Latinos, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, White People

Is It Better to Be Used for Something Than Never to Be Used for Anything?

20-ish man: So, I used to use the laundry on Driggs, but that place is dirty. Two weeks ago I started coming here–
30-ish woman: –I don’t give a shit. I just wanna have sex with you before I gotta get the kids and my husband comes home.
20-ish man: Okay.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Posted on August 25, 2014
Biotechs, Brooklyn, Hook Ups

Cook Is English

Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: cg

Posted on August 24, 2014
Brooklyn, Food, Waitresses

Shade-Grown, Slow-Roasted Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: TINA

Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!

–Duane Reade

Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?

–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Torgo61

Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!

–Arthur Avenue

Overheard by: eternal student

Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.

–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St

Posted on August 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, India Indians, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Questions, School, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Won’t Even Let a Stranger Wash My Car

Old lady #1: So, they put you on a slab and the coroner washes your body, like if you were all dirty if you died in an accident.
Old lady #2: They take your clothes off?
Old lady #1: Of course!
Old lady #2: I don’t think I want a strange man looking and washing my cooch!

–Bay Ridge

Posted on August 23, 2014
Brooklyn, Default, Health and Hygiene, Nudity, Offers and requests, Old People, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Two Voices, a Single Dream

Girl #1, into phone: No, we’re in Brooklyn. Yeah, Spot Collins’s territory.
Girl #2: I cannot believe you just made a Newsies reference.
Girl #1: Bitch, please — you do it all the time.

–17th & 4th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: me too

Posted on August 22, 2014
Brooklyn, Friends, Pop Culture